Star Ranks the Most Hated People in Hollywood, and Other Absurdities From This Week’s Tabloids

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Star

Hollywood’s Most Hated

20. Chris Brown: For “beating his girlfriend Rihanna.” (Duh.) “Even though Rihanna has taken him back, many music industry insiders don’t trust him, perhaps because he claims to be the real victim.”

19. Jesse James: “People began to turn on the reality star with reports of his cheating on Sandra Bullock, but his tone-deaf statements made matters worse.”

18. Taylor Swift: “The talented singer-songwriter has not only dated what seems like every guy in Hollywood, but she’s made millions bashing them in her songs!” Whatever, they’re great songs and those dudes were fuckos! “She also can’t seem to take a joke. After Tina Fey made a lighthearted quip about her boy-crazy rep, Taylor responded by saying ‘There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.'” OMG, she was like just quoting Katie Couric! Boo, you whore.

17. Shia LaBeouf: “The onetime child star has angered most of Hollywood with his impolite comments.” Who didn’t cheer when he “compared Transformers director Michael Bay to Adolph Hitler,” though? Harrison Ford called LaBeouf “a fucking idiot” for publicly shitting on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull but Shia also told the TRUTH! “Just recently Shia was fired from the Broadway play Orphans when he butted heads with costar Alec Baldwin.”

16. Lindsay Lohan: “Mix ridiculously entitled on-set behavior with utter unreliability and you’ve got Lindsay. The actress has ruffled so many feathers that only a few daring filmmakers will even think of hiring her.”

15. Angelina Jolie: “It’s been nine years and six children since Angelina and Brad Pitt got together, breaking up his marriage with Jennifer Aniston in the process. But Angie’s still seen as a man-stealing vixen — especially by Jen’s friend Chelsea Handler, who called her a ‘homewrecker’ and ‘a fucking c–t.'” Jolie is the woman you “make sure your husband avoids.”

14. Jay Leno: “After giving up the reins of The Tonight Show in 2009, Jay wormed his way back in, humiliating new host Conan O’Brien in the process. That drew the ire of comedians and fans who didn’t appreciate Team Coco getting backstabbed. Now, despite the best ratings in late night, NBC is putting pressure on Jay to retire early to make way for Jimmy Fallon. Guess karma has red hair.” THAT IT DOES.

13. Ashton Kutcher: “He was once viewed as Hollywood’s most down to earth dude” (really?) “but ever since Star revealed that Ashton cheated on wife Demi Moore with young blonde Sara Leal during a trip to San Diego” (on his anniversary with Demi!) “he has been hated by women.” After all, “no one likes a cheater.”

12. LeAnn Rimes: “She used to be known for her angelic voice and amazing talent. But these days, LeAnn’s claim to fame is her affair with Eddie Cibrian, which ended both his marriage with Brandi Glanville and hers with Dean Sheremet. And LeAnn, whose only style choice seems to be which bikini to wear, seems to be enjoying every second of it. LeAnn doesn’t care about anything except rubbing it in Brandi’s face that she has her husband and her kids.” Is this God’s experiment in which we have no say?

11. Kris Jenner: “Momager Kris Jenner has earned quite the cutthroat reputation, as she’s gotten big-bucks deals for each of her six children, while always raking in a percentage for herself.”

10. Kim Kardashian: “Following Kim’s lavish $10 million wedding with Kris Humphries and a marriage that lasted a mere 72 days, fans turned on the reality star, with a New York Post reader poll putting her second behind only Casey Anthony as the most hated woman in America.”

9. Anne Hathaway: “The Oscar-winning actress has managed to gain millions of ‘Hathahaters’ with her overstated and even exasperated humility and graciousness at awards shows, which often comes off as plain phony.” Howard Stern said, “She comes off like this goody two-shoes actress and it’s just sort of fun to hate her,” to which Hathaway responded, “There’s a positive to every negative,” like Maria von Trapp.

8. Justin Bieber: Bieber “outraged the public recently with his odd behavior, pompous attitude and ungrateful comments.” He addressed his haters, saying, “I would say to my haters, ‘I love you. Thank you for supporting me by hating me.’ When they write messages on my YouTube page, I get the money for that. So they’re just giving me money to hate on me.”

7. Madonna: “As Madge continues to try to be scandalous, many believe it’s time for the Material Girl to grow up and put on some clothes! Top of the list is Elton John, who said ‘Why is she such a nightmare? Her tour has been a disaster, and it couldn’t happen to a bigger c–t. She looks like a fairground stripper.'” Also, Malawi.

6. Matt Lauer: “Reports have surfaced that clearly show that two-faced Matt Lauer not only didn’t defend Ann Curry but was an integral part of getting her kicked off the show. As a result of fan backlash, the perennial ratings winner has tanked.”

5. Katherine Heigl: “She dissed her blockbuster comedy Knocked Up, demanded out of her hit series Grey’s Anatomy, and has been in a string of box-office bombs since.”

4. John Mayer: “The playboy musician has loved and left some of the hottest women in Hollywood, but his caddish behavior and big mouth have scorned scores of others,” resulting in such timeless quotes as, “All I want to do now is fuck the girls I’ve already fucked.” I’m sure Katy Perry will be pleased to hear it. A source says, “John has no heart and could care less about anyone. He’s a selfish asshole who only worries about himself; that’s it.”

3. Jennifer Lopez: “In a town ruled by narcissism it takes a special breed to be called out for it. Enter Jenny from the Block.” An insider says, “She loves herself so much it’s scary. She doesn’t even try to hide the fact that she’s a diva. She is obsessed with herself, her body and her image. And she’s a total bitch!” Even the lovable Mariah Carey has said “I’d rather be on stage with a pig.” Make it happen!

2. Kristen Stewart: “When photos surfaced of Twilight’s Kristen Stewart cheating on her boyfriend and costar Robert Pattinson with married director Rupert Sanders, fans became so enraged at Kristen that she went into hiding for months. Rob has since forgiven her; everyone else, not so much.”

1. Gwyneth Paltrow: “For years, Gwyneth has rubbed many in and out of the business the wrong way.” Why, just for quotes like “I’d rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup” or “When you go to Paris, and your concierge sends you to some restaurant because they get a kickback it’s like, ‘No. Where should I really be? Where is the great bar with organic wine? Where do I get a bikini wax in Paris?’ People know that I know that.” You know, when you go to Paris.

Kris Jenner Is a Drunk “Kris drank so much that she could barely keep her eyes open” at Nobu in London. “She was stumbling as they left, and she kept flirting with a couple of younger guys who were there, hanging all over them, saying how good-looking they were. Rob was telling her to slow down on the drinking, but she told him to shut it. Indeed, alcohol has been Kris’ Achilles heel for some time.” She is “drunk by 5 p.m.” every day. “Kris acts like a complete alcoholic and has for many years.”

What’s Justin Bieber Been Up To? “His recent antics include tussles with photographers, bans from several European nightclubs, mistreatment of his pet monkey and a physical altercation with a neighbor that may end in criminal charges.” His mom Pattie Mallette “prays for him” and “she prays a lot.”

Kim & Kanye Get Hairless Together: “After admitting to lasering away every hair on her body, Kim Kardashian has taken her obsession to the next level by forcing Kanye West to do the same.” Why, why, why would you do that Kim? To Kanye and the rest of us? He looked great. Kanye needs his chest hair as a pillow for his chains to rest on.

Amy Poehler & Nick Kroll: “Amy Poehler, 41, has a hilarious new reason to smile — because, according to sources, she’s dating 34 year old comedian Nick Kroll!” This is Poehler’s first public dating foray after her split from Will Arnett last year. She says she’s “always been attracted to funny people,” even though they’re mostly wack jobs.

Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Television: “Newlywed Blake Lively is apparently already annoyed with husband Ryan Reynolds because he can’t turn off the TV! The blonde bombshell, 25, who tied the knot with Ryan, 36, in a secret ceremony last September, has had it with the time her man spends in front of the tube.” Reynolds “watches 50 hours a week.” C’MON, THAT’S NO SO BAD. “They are not going to have kids until he kicks his habit.” Lively and Reynolds both started their careers as TV stars before crossing over into film. “It’s a serious issue for them. They got married so fast that they didn’t have time to find out stuff like this.”

Kristen Wiig Can’t Stop Partying: Kristen is the new Miley! “Kristen Wiig may be one of Hollywood’s funniest ladies, but her constant partying is no laughing matter. Insiders tell Star that Kristen’s drinking is so out of control that it’s taking a toll on her looks — and jeopardizing her relationship with her boyfriend, The Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti. The Bridesmaids actress, 39, who began dating 32-year-old Fabrizio in November 2011, is apparently feeling pressure to keep up with her man’s rock ‘n roll lifestyle.” Maybe he’s trying to keep up with her, OK? “He runs with a very hip crowd. Kristen likes to fit in. But after a year without slowing down, the hard living is starting to show. She looks tired. She has major mood swings and Fabrizio is always complaining.” The woman just got off a seven-year SNL gig, you don’t think she knows a few things about partying until dawn? She’s readyyyyyyyy to partyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Bettie Page’s Leather Boot Auctioned: The winning bid was $3,965.

Christopher “Charlie” Abbott Leaves Girls“They’d already started filming and now have to explain what happened to Charlie, just as he professed his love for Marnie. It shouldn’t be hard — as every single girl knows, boys leave all the time!”

Misc/Etc: “She couldn’t believe he wouldn’t want to look at her body any chance he gets.” “He acts like he is the top dog” “Only an insecure woman needs to flaunt her naked assets” “no wild bashes or naked romps” “fox-trot out of the nest” “He hates the way the writers treat the female characters” “constantly tweets modeling pictures of herself” “she’s just jealous because she’s getting more attention” “thanks to a cuddly little doggy” “mature and discreet, as any adult would be” “his metallic alter ego” “Women sure can be fickle” “She’s transformed her body and is looking for a new man” “Britney is used to having a man take care of her” “think that maybe the rumors of them hooking up in the past are true” “her man wants her private parts for his eyes only” “At first he thought all his Christmases had come at once”

 

In Touch

Jennifer Garner Spins Damage Control for Ben Affleck’s Oscar Speech: “He meant it as the hugest, warmest compliment in the world. He was saying ‘What we have is real and I’m in it with you.'”

John Mayer Back on the Market: “It’s been less than a month since John Mayer split with Katy Perry, but the ‘Dear Marie’ singer has already moved on. John was spotted grabbing dinner at Soho House in LA on March 21 with ‘a pretty blonde.’ He doted on her all night. He was talking a lot and was very animated, like he was trying to impress her. It seemed to work! Later in the evening he reached across the table and held her hand.” And then Katy Perry’s head exploded into whipped cream and confetti.

Nicki Minaj: “My best and worst American Idol moments? I don’t have a worst Idol moment. I’ve been spectacular.” Love you, Onika.

Drew Barrymore Says ‘Women Can’t Have It All': “I was raised in a generation where women thought that they could have it all, and I don’t think you can. I think that some things fall off the table. You choose your battles. I just couldn’t direct a movie right now — I would miss out on too much with my daughter. And it was heartbreaking to realize that, because I worked so hard to get to a point where I could direct, but it was a clear choice.” Bring her to set? I don’t know, this makes me sad. Drew Barrymore!

Michelle Obama Subtweets Barack: “‘As a busy single mother,’ the first lady, 49, began, then quickly corrected herself. ‘I shouldn’t say single. As a busy mother. When you’ve got a husband who is president, it can feel a little single.'”

Misc/Etc: “BOOB JOB BLUNDERS” “went on lovely old-fashioned dates” “white pumps are having a moment” “biggest and bloodiest blowup yet” “hitting Johnny in the head with her stiletto” “Judd Apatow, 45, and his wife, actress Leslie Mann, 41, just shelled out $10 million for this oceanfront sanctuary in Malibu, which boasts a guesthouse and a private beach” “brawling in the buff” “Things can go either way when you have a child” “the former porn star” “happily getting a sand shower” “a giggle-inducing pony ride after snacking on strawberries” “It always happens. All girls do that now!” “Mommy loves meatballs!” “A quarter-century after mixing things up in Cocktail” “sparkles (literally)” “On precipice of breakdown” “The force is strong with Angelina Jolie” “Rihanna drinks a draft beer” “The honeymoon is over” “our struggles are what shape us” “I’m down with the Williamsburg hipsters. I gotta rep Brooklyn!”

 

Us Weekly

Gwyneth Paltrow Is a Cool Mom: “If [Chris Martin] isn’t at home, I turn on the hip-hop. I’m like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.”

Jon Hamm: “My earliest celebrity crush was Farrah Fawcett, when I was eight.” You and every other dude in the ’70s. What does he think about Don’s arc this season? “He’s a damaged, broken guy. I wish he would fix his foundation before working on the house. Was that cryptic enough?” Hamm handles his own issues “significantly better than Don.” Oh and he just saw The Wire for the first time. “I was a late adopter of The Wire. I just watched the show over the course of two weeks!”

Queen Cersei Lannister Is Broke: “The Lannisters may always pay their debts, but Game of Thrones’ Lena Headey can’t. According to TMZ, the HBO hit’s Queen Cersei, 39, claimed in legal papers that she had ‘less than $5′ to her name. The Brit is battling musician ex-husband Peter Loughran over a $46,000 tax refund. She requested $6,000 immediately to support their son, Wylie, 3.”

Jaime Pressly vs. Estella Warren: “Jaime Pressly, private eye! The actress used the Find My iPhone app to track down Estella Warren after she walked off (either accidentally or on purpose) with Pressly’s assistant’s clutch on April 5 in L.A. The incident began at a pal’s birthday party earlier that night. Estella complimented Jaime’s assistant’s purse. But around midnight it went missing. An hour later, Pressly, 35, traced the iPhone in the lost bag to the nightclub Bootsy Bellows – where she found the Planet of the Apes star holding the cell!” OH SNAP. “Estella claimed the phone was hers,” but “the contents of the assistant’s purse were found in Estella’s bag.” DOUBLE SNAP. “Cops questioned Warren, 34, but allowed her to leave around 5 a.m. and no charged were filed.” Warren’s rep says “Estella carries an identical clutch in her bag for nights out. This was a simple misunderstanding.”

Lourdes & Finn: Madonna’s daughter Lourdes Ciccone Leon (16) is dating Timothée Chalamet (17), who plays Finn, the vice-president’s son, on Homeland. The couple met at LaGuardia Arts High School in New York. “It hasn’t been going on long. Lola likes her boys — just like her mother!”

Seth Rogen Not Into Sports: “I always watch people watch sports, and I’m like ‘Man, I wish I cared where the ball went as much as you guys do.” Aren’t you Canadian? Shouldn’t you like hockey?

Secret Bromances: “Justin Timberlake and Kiefer Sutherland golf together in Toluca Lake. Vince Vaughn and Robert Pattinson party together in Hollywood.”

Shia LaBeouf Not an Angry Little Elf: “I feel like there’s this misconception of me being this angry little elf. I’m not. I’m really not.”

Things You Don’t Know About Ian Somerhalder (Excerpted)

  • “When I need to get away, I hook my Airstream trailer to my Audi hybrid and disappear deep into the wilderness.”
  • “My friend Butch introduced me to Nietzsche at 16 years old.”
  • “I found my cat on the Lost set.”
  • “I love social media because it’s a total game changer.”
  • “I can write in cursive with my feet.”
  • “I put truffle oil on everything I eat.”
  • “My last meal would be gumbo.”
  • “I won’t eat tangerines on Tuesdays.”
  • “I want to see the end of deforestation through sustainable solutions.”
  • “I’ve met Grumpy Cat.”

Carrie Underwood Still Hates Being 30: “It’s kind of amazing how many people have been like ‘Oh, you’re 30, but you look great.’ Like I was supposed to start falling apart at 28.”

Amanda Seyfried’s Rack: “They do get in the way a lot. Like, I wear a really small tight sports bra when I go running because they want to smack my chin.” Oh, Karen.

Misc/Etc: “Guy trouble!” “He felt he was a more serious actor than he was allowed to be” “GRAND DELUSIONS” “tattoo roulette” “I might have to upgrade with this next adventure” “I go from zero to bitchy pretty quickly” “It’s someone named Svetlana from Russia” “Love vacay with the homies!” “You’ve got smiles!” “Queen of soul and sand” “spring thaw just sped up thanks to these hunky guys” “Hannah, a teacup Yorkshire terrier, often hits Starbucks” “The pussycat is dyed” “Before the beards!” “the pioneer man I always dreamed of as a girl” “The show will have a crazy ex-wife!” “She has a difficult reputation” “Because at the end of the day, Will is his own man” “ignore the haters” “inspiration clown” “roll the disco ball down south”

 

OK!

Shia LaBeouf on Alec Baldwin: “We had tensions, as men. Not as artists, as men.”

Adam Levine Probably Won’t Wed: “If you don’t get married, you can’t get divorced.”

Rihanna & John Mayer & Katy Perry: “Poor Katy Perry. For the eight months she and John Mayer were dating, the known lothario tried to downplay his callous ways with women. But now a source says he’s back to his old serial skirt-chasing self — and this time with a twist! Less than a month after his split from Katy, 28, in what may be the ultimate betrayal, John is on the prowl for a rebound romance with Katy’s BFF Rihanna!” Rihanna hooked up with Ashton Kutcher and dated Chris Brown, so it’s certainly not out of the question. She likes bad boys, and so does Katy. “John, 35, has been bombarding Rihanna, 25, with text messages begging for a date. Rihanna was amazed when she heard from John, but deep down it didn’t surprise Rihanna because he has been chasing after her for years. His texts were very sexy, and he said they should get together. And despite her friendship with Katy and her on/off relationship with Chris Brown, Rihanna may be tempted to invite John to a show and see what happens from there.”

Gaga IS Dazzler: X-Men: Days of Future Past director Brian Singer tweeted that Lady Gaga was added to the cast as Dazzler. Showbiz bible Variety fell for the joke and posted it online before it was proved false!” This should really be true, though.

Ryan Gosling: The interview says “you seem to like aggressive, yet sensitive characters.” LOL. He responds, “I was attracted by the idea of someone who was a melting pot of all these masculine cliches: tattoos, guns, muscles, and yet when faced with this child he didn’t know he had, realizes those things don’t make you a man at all. He’s a very shallow, empty person.” I have never seen The Notebook.

Kathie Lee on E-Flirting: “Flirting is such a subjective thing because it’s hard to tell tone when you’re looking at words. The best flirting is always face to face.”

Actor Taylor Swift: “Taylor has wanted to be a movie star ever since she was a child.” Singing was her backup, “but she’s never forgotten her original dream.” Oh boy.

Misc/Etc: “Her fearless bouffant” “she said she loved him and she couldn’t watch him slowly kill himself” “KIM GETS A YEN FOR YOGURT” “the worst feeling I ever had” “sea turtles, seals, sea lions, and penguins” “Days after splitting with director Danny Boyle, Rosario Dawson took solace in some comfort food” “Nursing a broken foot suffered in kickboxing class” “Watch those claws” “murder her private parts” “I just closed my eyes and said ‘Do what you think is gonna look good’ and they did it”

Filed Under: Amanda Seyfried, Chris Brown, Gwyneth Paltrow, John Mayer, Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig, Lady Gaga, Molly's Magazines, Rihanna, Ryan Gosling, Taylor Swift

Photo on 2014-01-10 at 12.58 #3

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ mollylambert