In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Tuesday.

• The new labor contract in Major League Baseball features several changes, including more replay, the possibility of divisional teams facing off in the first round of the playoffs, and a ban on players getting tattoos with corporate logos. Experts see this last clause as a way to ensure that Milton Bradley will never play in the league again.

• Jerry Sandusky backed out of a preliminary hearing yesterday and pleaded not guilty to all charges. Sources report he backed out rather than walking normally to avoid getting hit by large preliminary hearing stones.

• The Steelers reported that Ben Roethlisberger is questionable for Monday’s game against San Francisco after turning his ankle. Women around the nation also listed Ben Roethlisberger as questionable, though none of them mentioned his ankle.

• Despite Tim Tebow’s stellar record and his high profile, the Broncos are not willing to commit to him as the quarterback of the future. “We have a feeling something bad is going to happen to him at age 33,” a team representative said.

• Kevin Garnett voiced his displeasure with the short training camp schedule, and accused David Stern of rushing the preseason to fit in a 66-game season. “I need, like, two months just to stretch my legs now,” said the aging Garnett. “And my arrogant scream is frankly not in game shape.”

• Lamar Odom said he felt disrespected by the way the Lakers traded him, and that the experience was “surreal.” The surrealism was only heightened, he said, when Lakers GM Mitch Kupak explained that the main motivation behind the trade was the “persistence of memory.”

• Sources have indicated that the Lakers and Clippers are still in talks to land Chris Paul. Confusingly, the New Orleans Hornets are not participating in said talks.

• The no. 15 Wisconsin Badgers survived a scare against UW-Milwaukee, eventually prevailing 60-54. “It was looking dicey,” said Badger coach Bo Ryan, “until our boring offense finally made them fall asleep on the court and we went on a five minute, 6-0 run.”

• After letting a two-goal lead slip away, the Montreal Canadiens rallied to beat the New York Islanders 5-3. And I don’t know about you, but I’d love to hear what the so-called “patriotic” presidential candidates have to say about this one. THIS COUNTRY’S GOING TO THE DOGS! OUR ISLANDS ARE LETTING US DOWN! I CAN’T STOP EATING BREAD!

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