The Top 10 Songs … IN UKRAINE!

1. S. Loboda, “Oblaka”

Svitlana Serhiyivna Loboda is a Ukrainian singer, composer, pianist, and former member of the early 2000s Eastern European girl group Nu Virgos. She also designs a clothing line called Fuck the Macho, after her third album Ne Macho (Not Macho). Loboda repetitively smoking in white sunglasses, lounging on some asphalt, and throwing up devil horns as a train passes by make for a hypnotizing music video that feels like a collection of GIFs. “Oblaka” is seductive, understated, and employs a whistle sound without slamming you too hard in the head.

Grade: A

Best YouTube Comment: “classssssssssssss” — buzxunabuzxuna

2. Oceana, “Endless Summer”

The official anthem of last month’s 2012 Euros, which were hosted by Poland and Ukraine. Oceana are not to be confused with unsigned Christian indie rock band Oceana, deathcore band Oceano from Chicago, or ’90s Ukrainian rock band Okean Elzy. Oceana Mahlmann is a German-Afro-Martiniquais singer who finished sixth in the Polish version of Dancing With the Stars. “Endless Summer” is based around a sample of Die Vogel’s “Blaue Moschee” and garnished with soccer chants.

Grade: B+

Best YouTube Comment: “Justice 4 YOUR BRAIN!” — ATBtheTRANCER

3. Alyosha, “Feremony Liubvi”

Generic trance from Ukrainian singer Alyosha. Bubbles along nicely enough but never really reaches a satisfying boil.

Grade: C+

Best YouTube Comment: “She need one man, I’m perfect. Chida la chava.” — pirojuventus

4. Potap & Nastja, “Priletelo”

Cars driving in the desert, scarves blowing in a wind machine, fitted caps, lowriders, beach scenes, and choppers touching down on sand are some of the California-dream music video tropes mocked by Potap & Nastja in this longish-form video that (spoiler alert) ends with a beheading.

Grade: B

Best YouTube Comment: “I keep replay it but I can’t understand what they talk about” — ngocle

5. Dilajs, “Nezhno Nezhno”

I had high hopes for a song called “Nezhno Nezhno” (a promisingly catchy title) but this bouncy tune did very little for me. Oh well. Nezhno, Nezhno.

Grade: C+

Best YouTube Comment: “+++ XD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” — DAZBFREAK

6. Ani Lorak, “Obnimi Menia”

Karolina Miroslavivna Kuiek, known as Ani Lorak, is the Jennifer Lopez of Ukraine. She is the fifth-richest singer in the country and one of the most powerful women in Ukrainian music. This video, in which she shows up at a dance studio in low-rise sweats and a cropped sweater to do butt-centric stretches and get hoisted into the air by ripped dudes, is extremely J.Lo-esque. The song is kind of a boring kids’ bop.

Grade: C

Best YouTube Comment: “Looks too much like Cher.” — mikhailvinnik

7. Vera Brezhneva, “Ischu Tiebia”

Vera Brezhneva is a Ukrainian-Russian pop singer who, according to her Wikipedia page, “was raised in an ordinary family.” She was a member of a later lineup of Nu Virgos, who are apparently the Menudo or Mickey Mouse Club of the Ukrainian pop star factory. She went solo in 2008. Her bedroom looks a lot like Sookie Stackhouse’s. This sounds like a tropical Bond theme.

Grade: B+

Best YouTube Comment: “Vera, you can’t sing, sweetheart … sorry. But you can do modeling …” — hburyachok

8. Irakli & Dasha Suvorova, “Neliubov”

A guitar-drive pop ballad in a minor key backed by strings. I like their futuristic greaser fashions for the rainy, grayish day, the rapped bridge verse, and the actual bridge that they sit on in Kiev.

Grade: A

Best YouTube Comment: “Tears to feel every word! Good song — but it hurts!” — MrEkaterinka28

9. Aura Dione featuring Rock Mafia, “Friends”

Aura Dione is Danish, and Rock Mafia are the production duo behind a lot of Miley Cyrus’s and Selena Gomez’s hits. This song went to no. 1 in Germany. The video, with its Fight Club falling-apart house and robot puppet made up of shoes alternately chasing Aura around and chilling with her, is super freaky. The song never lives up to the weirdness of the video.

Grade: C

Best YouTube Comment: “this song is kind of isolated and trapped somewhere yet it’s very good to me” — zencasto

10. Dan Balan, “Liubi”

Dan Balan is a Moldovan pop-rock singer who was in the boy group O-Zone. You may know O-Zone for their hit “Dragostea din tei,” more popularly known as the “Numa Numa” song, a popular meme that eventually became a Just Blaze sample for T.I. and Rihanna’s “Live Your Life.” Dan Balan is now solo and working to develop his image as a sensitive singer somewhat in the John Mayer mode. I like the guitar work.

Grade: B-

YouTube Comment: “i love it … i love it … i love it …” — Peggy1500

Filed Under: Grading the Charts

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ mollylambert