Lindsay Lohan’s Drug Dealer Sells His Story to Star … and Other Horror Stories From This Week’s Tabloids

Jason Merritt/Getty Lindsay Lohan


One of Linsday Lohan’s Dealers Tells All: After Lohan’s Piers Morgan appearance “where she told the host that she has done cocaine maybe four or five times in my life” and that she’s “never been a huge drinker,” a man named David Joseph comes forth to debunk her lies. “I saw her take a bump more than that when she tested out my deliveries. It is another example of how much denial she is in.” DJ, “as he is known in the drug-dealing world” that shadows Hollywood, admits he is “the last guy to have a conscience,” but he wanted to set the record straight. He started selling to Lohan in 2009. “He’d get a text message with an address in Beverly Hills or a suite number at the Chateau Marmont, Hollywood Roosevelt or W Hotel. Her rooms were usually in a real state. There were room-service trays dumped everywhere, with plates on floors and furniture. Clothes would be scattered. There were often champagne and vodka bottles around, and someone was usually smoking weed. All the ashtrays were full of cigarette butts. Ninety percent of the time, Linsday would be drunk, says DJ, vodka her drink of choice.” Damn, DJ. “Lindsay ordered blow and pills. Her favorite was Molly, MDMA, which was the extrapure pharmaceutical ecstasy. Lindsay always liked that before she went out to a club.” Love you too, Lindsay.

“DJ estimates that despite her widely reported money issues, Lindsay spent at least $10,000 to $15,000 on drugs during the time he dealt to her, noting that the narcotics were not only for her but also for her ever-present crew. The texts would only stop in the rare instance Lindsay booked a job – or, more likely, landed in rehab or jail. As DJ watched Lindsay spiral out of control, he could envision the inevitable unhappy ending, causing him to start responding ‘wrong number’ to texts from his jonesing client. Lindsay wasn’t monitoring what she was taking, and there were lots of enablers around, so I had to walk away. I feared she would do a line of coke after some pills and then be dead.” Aren’t you a drug dealer, though? “DJ’s fears were not unfounded. The last time the world heard from him was in February 2012, when he revealed that he had sold cocaine to Whitney Houston hours prior to her death.” Oh. “I had dealt to her, but it was actually the prescription meds that caused Whitney’s death, and I worried Lindsay would go down the same path. I knew there was no return from where she was going and I had no control over what other drugs she was using. I am not in the business of helping people kill themselves.” Jesus H. Christ. “DJ doubts the starlet will change her ways.” I don’t know if DJ is real or not, but this is so dark.

Jennifer Lawrence & Liam Hemsworth: “The long rumored couple were finally caught canoodling in public while in Cannes, France — in the VIP section of the Hunger Games: Catching Fire party” — but in the picture it looks like they’re just talking, and not even very close to each other. “They were giggling and couldn’t stop touching each other! Jennifer kept putting her hand on his knee while Liam leaned in, whispering in her ear. The electricity between them was off the charts!” Liam has had a crush on J. Law since they met, “but never acted on his feelings because he was with Miley Cyrus since 2009.” Jennifer was dating Nicholas Hoult, but they’ve since split up, too. “Liam thinks very highly of Jennifer as a well-respected serious actress, which he finds very attractive. She’s secure with herself — which is a nice change from Miley, who always needed attention.”

Kristen Stewart Rebounding With Girls? “Kristen is seeking comfort in the arms of a woman!” The day after she and Robert Pattinson broke up on his birthday, “Kristen, 23, was spotted in the Silver Lake neighborhood of Los Angeles — where she was seen getting extra cozy with a mystery brunette! Kristen seemed down. The woman kept rubbing Kristen’s back and putting her arms around her. They were so touchy-feely — and definitely seemed to have more than just a friendship going on. Could it be that Bella is done with the fellas?” Or she could be bi.

Britney Has Psoriasis: “Britney Spears is the latest celebrity to be spotted with Hollywood’s most unwanted accessory: psoriasis! It flares up when Britney’s under a lot of pressure.” She is nervous about her upcoming Las Vegas residency, and struggling with “the auto-immune condition, in which skin produces thick scales that can bleed if removed.”

Charlie Sheen & Zac Efron: “Charlie Sheen has found an unlikely new wingman in Zac Efron, and insiders say that the odd new bromance is based on two of Charlie’s favorite things: booze and girls! Whenever Zac has a night off from shooting, he’s over at Charlie’s house, partying. They drink together for hours — and of course, his parties are legendary.” Is there a subtext here I’m not getting? “Charlie, once quite the heartthrob himself, is living vicariously through the hunky Paperboy actor.” Oh OK, it’s a Sunset Boulevard kind of thing. Got it.

Katy Perry Rebounds With a CAA Agent: In order to get over the “demise of her whirlwind romance with 35-year-old John Mayer, the sultry songstress has already landed a new man! Since reporting that Katy, 28, felt fooled by John’s womanizing ways and wrote a revenge song about their breakup, Star has now learned that the ‘Firework’ singer has been seeing 31-year-old CAA agent Michael Kives because she doesn’t want to be alone.” Oh boy, what a good reason to date someone. “Katy and Michael have been hooking up. They were friends first, but Katy leaned on Michael for emotional support after her breakup with John.” They are strictly friends with benefits though. “It’s more of a sexual thing for her rather than a heavy duty courtship.” Kives, “who previously dated actress Alyssa Milano, is hoping Katy might eventually want to settle down.” Whoa, who IS this dude? He just looks like some random dude. “Michael’s having a blast with her. He’s been bragging to all his friends about Katy, and he’s holding out hope that she will want to get serious. He would love for Katy to be The One. Katy, however, doesn’t seem to have monogamy on the brain, as she’s still refusing to shut the door on her past.” Oh, she has monogamy on the brain, just not with him. “She is still calling John because she can’t let go. And he still reaches out to her too because he loves to string his exes along.” As long as we get some good tea-dishing songs out of it.

Robin Wright & Ben Foster: “Robin Wright may be permanently setting up shop in Cougar Town — because, according to sources, she is ready to marry her much-younger boyfriend, 32-year-old Ben Foster!” GOOD FOR HER. You get whatever you want for putting up with Sean Penn. “Sean is apparently none too pleased with his ex-wife’s impending nuptials.” 2 BAD SP.

Misc/Etc: “But just as their characters discovered, life outside the Central Perk coffeehouse isn’t always easy!” “Not many single ladies want to live with their mothers” “the future looked bright for its fresh-faced cast” “critical and such an overbearing presence” “It’s so inappropriate when she knows he’s taken” “she’s running out of time to get married again” “weather may be serene in sunny Southern California” “showed Justin Bieber what he’s missing” “The yoga is paying off!” “Sears in North Hollywood” “Lana looks young and beautiful!” “Daddy needs a drink!” “has been distancing himself” “a handsome CEO looking for a woman to be submissive in the bedroom” “The romance has died” “phone only rings when Harry wants something” “Karina and Jacoby couldn’t keep their hands off each other” “wife is fed up with his hippie ways!” “HISS & MAKE UP” “a woman who skinny-dips in her rich neighbor’s pool every night” “create a muffin top on your foot”



What’s in Julie Delpy’s Purse? “My iPhone’s screen is totally smashed. I stepped on it with a pair of not-very-hard shoes so I don’t know why it broke.” I love you, Julie Delpy. “I floss in my car. When I moved to America, my dentist called me Julie Rotten, if that gives you an idea of how bad my teeth were.” You are so cool. “I wear earplugs to spin class because they play the music so loud. My doctor says everyone in that room will be deaf by age 50. Fit, but deaf.” Also her house is being fumigated, so she’s “been wearing the same pants for five days. Classy, huh?” YES.

Chris Pine Is a Sentimental Dude: “I cry all the time — at work, at the shrink’s, with my lady. The Notebook killed me. Up destroyed me.”

Britney Spears: “I’m like, ‘Jesus, I want fried chicken too!'”

Justin Bieber: “I should be taken seriously,” the baby Bieb told the crowd at the Billboard Music Awards. He was greeted with a wave of booing.

Things You Don’t Know About Ken Jeong (Excerpted)

  • “I used to be a full-time physician; I still have my medical license.”
  • “It was my idea to jump out of the trunk naked in The Hangover. My wife [doctor Tran Ho] approved, saying, “This will be the feel-good movie of the year. Every guy will go home feeling good about himself.'”
  • “My favorite movie of all time is The Godfather.”
  • “I love karaoke. I even worked as an MC at a karaoke bar in New Orleans while I was in med school!”
  • “I did a lot of stand-up comedy prior to becoming an actor.”
  • “I’m not afraid to be lazy. I am afraid of snakes and bees.”
  • “I love the NBA.”
  • “My favorite basketball player of all time is Michael Jordan and my top book is Phil Jackson’s Sacred Hoops.”
  • “The first concert I ever went to was Prince on the Purple Rain tour.”
  • “I was born in Detroit.”
  • “I love watching SportsCenter.”
  • “For The Hangover Part III, I performed a stunt more than 30 feet high, even though I have a massive fear of heights and cry on roller coasters.”

Shakira on Meeting Her Baby: “I was like, ‘Oh, my God. He’s purple and wrinkled. What is this?'”

Chloe Sevigny on Gwyneth Paltrow Hating the Met Ball: “Maybe her sleeves were too tight.” CHLOE.

Lena Headey: “Confidence in anybody comes from acceptance. I think you get to a point in your life where you have to stop striving to be something that you really, truly are not … I’d say at 30 years old I learned that. It was like a door opened in my mind and I was like, Oh, it’s OK.”

Christina Hendricks Doesn’t Wear Sweatpants: “I can’t do that to my husband, not after just three years of marriage.” JOAN.

Misc/Etc: “Her ukulele skills are no joke” “People are saying Jay-Z is a vampire” “They’re just country people.” “That door’s not closed” “favorite bloke” “Captain Slugger!” “flashed his guns” “It’s emotional but not too serious” “There has to always be time for your personal life” “I haven’t seen my real hair since the ninth grade!” “Carrie’s looking forward to being a housewife” “They’re like husband and wife already!” “Why don’t you bring some of that home?” “can’t wait for the actor, 43, to return to a squeezable size” “Remember you and your partner came first, before the kids” “He uses his imagination, and doesn’t even want to watch TV” “gyrated her jelly with gusto” “Ginger Queen!” “They’re like seventh graders” “Bear is my child. I raised him.” “the most popular jam was the hora” “inspired by photos she found on Pinterest” “NO UGLY CRYING!” “There’s a reason men don’t do this!” “DUCKS! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!” “They Show Off Chicken Legs” “write a novel”


In Touch

Inside Amanda Bynes’s New York Apartment: This is the actual Worst Room. A guy named “Joe” who hung out with Amanda documented her place. “There is junk everywhere! There’s no food in the kitchen. it’s just littered with takeout containers.” Sounds like a twentysomething’s apartment to me. “Instead of getting blinds, she used black spray-paint and painted some of her windows. She has no sheets on her bed. No pillows, nothing. She has a ton of water bottles stockpiled in her bedroom, like she doesn’t want to ever leave the room. And she hardly has any clothes at all. I didn’t see any sort of wardrobe aside from clothes and shoes scattered around the place.” Amanda responded on Twitter, calling “Joe” a liar and demanding In Touch only print photos of her “gorgeous new nose.”


Life & Style

Kim Betrays Kanye by Advance Selling Baby Photos: At his Roseland Ballroom show, Kanye went on a typical Kanye tirade, screaming “I don’t want no people … tryin’ to like sell pictures and shit to magazines. I ain’t no motherfucking celebrity.” But you are, ‘Ye! But you are! “While the singer has been adamant from the start that their baby would be kept out of the spotlight, Kim has set an elaborate plan in motion to secretly cash in on their child.” Kanye has asked her to chill on the fame-whoring, even though it’s what drew him to her in the first place. Kim is arranging “for the paparazzi to take an exclusive shot and pay her for it, then the paps sell the pictures to the media. The beauty of that is she can always pretend she didn’t know anything about it!”  Kim “doesn’t know what a private life is.” Kanye is hoping to “live a secluded life with their baby in Paris. But Kim is very ambitious. That has not slowed down with her pregnancy. She’s the same Kim with the same drive to make money and gain fame.” She can be famous in Paris, though. “From X-raying her butt to prove it’s real, to letting Kourtney squeeze breast milk on her, it seems there’s nothing Kim won’t do for attention – and the paycheck that comes with it. After all, this is the girl who charged guests between $1,000 and $2,500 to attend her 30th birthday party.” Ooh, good idea. “Kanye just wants to release a shot of their kid on Tumblr or Instagram, similar to what his buddy Jay-Z did with Blue Ivy.” Kim wants to sell the baby photos for cash money. Kanye performed in front of a “NOT FOR SALE” projection on SNL. He wants Kim to “start acting like a mom instead of a businesswoman.”

Taylor Swift to Her Fans: “You’re the longest and best relationship I’ve ever had!”

Rob Pattinson & Kristen Stewart & Katy Perry: Why did Robsten break up? Ask Katy, the “unexpected confidante” who encouraged Rob to dump Kristen Stewart. “Katy told Rob she didn’t think their relationship could withstand the cheating scandal. And he deserved someone better than someone who would destroy a family [like Rupert’s.]” And uh, Katy Perry is single again. Rob and Kristen attended Coachella as a couple, but Rob realized he would “never be able to trust Kristen again” when he found himself getting jealous over a mystery man she spoke to. “Katy liked Kristen, but ultimately she’s loyal to Rob and wants what’s best for him.” And did I mention she’s single? I wonder if Rob knows she’s single. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiingle.

Whose Hair Does Jennifer Aniston Envy? Why Kate Moss, of course. “I love Kate Moss’ hair. It’s that rolled-out-of-bed look. Somehow she can wear a couture dress and just have that. I’ve tried to do that, but it doesn’t work.”

Tim McGraw on Taylor Swift: “She’s young and beautiful and she’s loaded. She can do whatever she wants.”

Pink & Gwyneth Paltrow: Pink says “Gwyneth Paltrow is pretty punk for saying that the punk-themed Met Gala sucked. I love her — one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.”

Misc/Etc: “Single and ready to mingle” “conservative cream” “ready to walk down the aisle again” “so red even the carpet was jealous” “beautiful at the ballet” “the full waist-whittling effect” “swapped spin classes for secret smoking sessions” “singer was a rude girl” “celebrated her last days as a single woman” “donning chains and hot pants” “feathers, sequins, and thigh-high boots” “I finally had my dream wedding with my French amour” “It’s an insane experience” “Hot Pre-Wedding Makeover” “He looked hotter than usual” “Hello baby, goodbye bachelorette pad!” “I’m so hopeful for the future. I am ready to get married.” “tall, handsome guys that are like football players” “patting each other’s stomachs!”



Miley’s Ring Is Back on: “The engagement ring is back on Miley Cyrus’ finger — a sure sign that she and Liam Hemsworth remain engaged.” Or that she wants him to know she wants to be. “After photos of the singer sans ring prompted talk that she and Liam had split, Miley tweeted a shot of herself wearing the 3.5 carat rock on May 15 — and wore it to a party the next day.” Liam had let Miley know that he “needed his space.” But “Miley knows Liam like no one else and loves him so she stood firm.” Cyrus “played it cool, not returning his calls right away, being casual about the relationship. Then last week, Liam asked why she kept taking her ring off. She down-played it, but on the inside she was bursting with happiness!”

Adam Levine’s Mom Hates His Tattoos: “My mother hates my tattoos. I even got one that says ‘Mom’ on it, and she still hates that one. But she loves me.”

Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett: “People see my boobs, my blonde hair and see this Playboy girl. I wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and feel like a boy.” Don’t we all.

What Inspires Kate Moss? “Looking at photographic books — books about houses and gardens. Also, music. I am watching The Rolling Stones films, which are quite inspiring and all of a sudden I’m finding tasseled leather jackets in my wardrobe. I love old films and old movie stars. I would love to look like Veronica Lake.”

Kyle Richards on Paris Hilton: “Paris is like a child in an adult’s body.”

Selena Gomez’s Tour Rider: It includes “incense, pickles, and ramen noodles.” Is Selena a stoner? She did date Justin Bieber for a long time.

Rod Stewart: “My relationship rule is ‘Don’t argue after a glass of wine.'”

Heather Graham Outs Zach Galifianakis’s Secret: “Zach is health-conscious, and doesn’t eat gluten or dairy. He lost so much weight they had to pad him for the role!”

Misc/Etc: “LEO BY THE SEA-O” “out of the woods” “Talk about a power suit!” “sexy but still modest” “She loves the idea of her children being soul mates” “You know those fish pedicures in which minnow-like creatures nibble dead skin off your feet?” “If I’m in the pool, we are all in the pool” “a replica of his signature fleece” “WEDDING, COURT DATES” “she’s had her heart set on having twins” “a great excuse for her to eat more cheese and ice cream!” “Neither of them would have the careers they do if they were wasted all the time!” “It’s virginal white, sexy yet classy too” “invite her over for a yoga session at her house” “We all want her life, and it turns out, her nose too!” “STARS LOVE CIVILIANS” “I like the way she calls people idiots” “She was like a living doll” “I need a green juice” “at the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter After Dark Lounge at the Rock ‘n Roll Hall Of Fame Induction Ceremony”

Filed Under: Amanda Bynes, Jennifer Lawrence, Kanye West, Katy Perry, Kim Kardashian, Kristen Stewart, Liam Hemsworth, Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Molly's Magazines, Robert Pattinson

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

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