Which Arsenal Player Enjoyed His Flight to Malaysia the Most?
Summertime, and the living for English Premier League clubs … well, it’s kind of a drag. They’re flying all over the once-green Earth, participating in lucrative summer tours of far-off lands. As I write this, Tottenham are in Los Angeles, Liverpool are somewhere between Canada and Boston, and Arsenal have just recently touched down in Malaysia. That’s a long flight — London to Malaysia — and it made me wonder: Who of the Gunners is the most fun to fly with?
I don’t know, Theo. I know you’re trying to put on your Grey Poupon face there, but you still went straight to the dessert cart. You can’t free-base sugar like that before a long flight. You lay down a nice, healthy foundation — maybe get some roasted almonds and multi-seed crackers and some hummus in there, tell Vito Mannone you’ve got the audiobook version of Gone Girl loaded on your iPod, so you’ll have to discuss how Wojciech Szczęsny is going to need to be kidnapped by one of the gangs in Taken if Mannone ever wants to see the field, and you PEACE OUT. Go to sleep. Fly to Malaysia. While asleep! Don’t act like Chunk from Goonies at a Baskin-Robbins.
I love Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. Look at this guy …
But he’s trying too hard. You just went to the Euros, Ox. You’ve been on a plane before. You don’t have to act like you and Carl Jenkinson are riding Space Mountain for the first time. Oh, and another thing, Chambo: Maybe don’t headlock a guy who had a stress fracture in his back. I know, you’re experiencing the miracle of flight, but keep it together.
Seriously. That’s how a dude gets sucked out of an airplane. Maybe watch Passenger 57 on one of your devices. There’s a cautionary scene or two buried in there somewhere.
The answer is …
Lying down! A-OK!
Sitting up! A-OK! P.S. That’s a lot of Volvic! Hydrate! I like that!
Just look at what a buzzkill Mikel Arteta was being on the way to the plane …
And then look what happens when Alex Song gets involved!
Who wouldn’t want to take a 13-hour flight with a guy who rocks these sneakers?!
Arsenal fans: On a scale of 1 to 10, one being “not shocked at all” and 10 being “Call Sherry Stringfield and tell her to get the paddles because I am DYING,” how surprised are you that Alex Song is the most fun guy to go on a plane trip with?
Filed Under: Arsenal, English Premier League
Are My Methods Unsound? Why ‘Sicario’ Is the ‘Apocalypse Now’ of the Drug War
Flagrant But True Statements About Crystal Palace’s Upset Over Chelsea
Show Me a Boss: The Use of Bruce Springsteen in ‘Show Me a Hero’
Chelsea’s Pedro Deal Makes Manchester United Look Weak
Ameer Abdullah Is Imitating Barry Sanders, Football Is Back
Citi Field Psyops: How the Mets Can Beat Yordano Ventura
The Frustrating Promise of Analytics: Soccer Has a Left-Handed-Pitcher Problem
Beyond Barça, Bayern, and Madrid: Who’s the Fourth-Best Team in the World?
Bayern-Dortmund, Arsenal-United, and More: Your Emergency Viewing Guide to Soccer’s Super Sunday
Three More Flagrant But True Premier League Statements
More The Triangle
We Went There: Clippers-Mavs and DeAndre Jordan Night in Los Angeles
No Messi, No Problem: Neymar Becomes a Superstar
World Series Weekend: Five Questions for Three (or Two) Royals-Mets Games
NBA Overnight: Where Was the Spark?
NHL Grab Bag: Let’s Get Spooky