It’s time again for the most important weekly feature on the Internet: Fantasy Fantasy Football. Throughout the NFL season, we’ll be evaluating five fantasy football gurus as they tell us who to start and sit each week. Using a highly flawed method based loosely on mathematical principles, we’ll attempt to reveal the one true football prophet. (Here’s how it works: A pick counts in their favor if he ends up in the top half of the weekly scoring leaders. There are four categories — QBs, RBs, WRs, Defense/Special Teams — and points are awarded on a 5-1 scale in each.) The experts are:

1. Matthew Berry
2. Michael Fabiano
3. Mike Harmon*
4. Eric Mack*
5. Jamey Eisenberg

*As usual, we’ll be taking the first five picks only from Harmon and Mack to balance the numbers.

Weekly Results and Winners

Week 1 — (tie) Matthew Berry and Jamey Eisenberg
Week 2 — Eric Mack
Week 3 — Mike Harmon

Fantasy Fantasy Football Fantasy of the Week

Matthew Berry and I are on the same team in the Super Bowl. It’s late in the fourth quarter, and we’re down two points. We drive to the 20-yard line, but when we look to the sideline our field goal kicker is in the fetal position. He’s already missed one from 34, and now he’s refusing to kick the game-winner. There’s 10 seconds left, and he’s not an option. In the huddle, Berry tells me to drop back 10 yards for the snap. “Why so far?” I ask. He smiles. “Flutie.” “Flutie?” I ask. “Flutie,” he repeats. And then I get it. Flutie. I take the snap, the defense drops back in coverage, and I let the ball fall to the ground. As it hits the turf, I kick it on the hop and send it soaring through the uprights. A drop kick! Three points! Victory! Time expires as our fans rush down from the stands. Immediately, a thousand beautiful women run on the field to congratulate me. Berry points at me once, smiles, and walks off into the sunset.

Quarterbacks

This week, the Berry man can. And could. And did. It was a mediocre showing all around, actually, but ESPN’s own MB did enough to earn the tie with Michael Fabiano for first place. And he did it while choosing only three failures, which, let’s face it, is the easier task. Fabiano made his hay in the flop department, while the Eisenberg slump continues.

4.5 points: Matthew Berry

Yes: Philip Rivers, Eli Manning, Michael Vick, Matthew Stafford, Cam Newton, Kevin Kolb = 4/6
No: Matt Ryan, Ben Roethlisberger, Josh Freeman = 1/3
Total: 5/9

4.5 points: Michael Fabiano

Yes: Ryan Fitzpatrick, Newton, Matt Schaub, Ryan = 2/4
No: Sam Bradford, Freeman, Matt Hasselbeck, Kolb, Joe Flacco = 3/5
Total: 5/9

3 points: Mike Harmon

Yes: Manning, Schaub, Jay Cutler, Rex Grossman, Ryan = 2/5
No: Freeman, Kolb, Newton, Bradford = 2/4
Total: 4/9

2 points: Eric Mack

Yes: Stafford, Vick, Cutler, Tony Romo, Roethlisberger = 2/5
No: Newton, Bradford = 1/2
Total: 3/7

1 point: Jamey Eisenberg

Yes: Newton, Manning, Roethlisberger, Romo, Grossman = 3/5
No: Ryan, Hasselbeck, Colt McCoy, Flacco, Freeman = 1/5
Total: 4/10

Running Backs

Fabiano registers his second straight win, just a trace ahead of Berry, with a perfect 5/5 on the negative side of the RBs.

5 points: Fabiano

Yes: Fred Jackson, Tim Hightower, Ryan Mathews, Cedric Benson = 2/4
No: Felix Jones, Ben Tate, Knowshon Moreno, Mark Ingram, DeAngelo Williams = 5/5
Total: 7/9

4 points: Berry

Yes: Mathews, Benson, Darren Sproles, Frank Gore = 3/4
No: Chris Johnson, Jahvid Best, Williams, Beanie Wells = 2/4
Total: 5/8

3 points: Mack

Yes: Best, Felix Jones, Rashard Mendenhall, LeSean McCoy, Gore = 1/5
No: Williams, Tate, Pierre Thomas, Bernard Scott, Thomas Jones = 5/5
Total: 6/10

1.5 points: Eisenberg

Yes: Steven Jackson, Hightower, James Starks, Benson, Joseph Addai = 1/5
No: Tate, Shonn Greene, Thomas Jones, DeAngelo Williams, Willis McGahee = 4/5
Total: 5/10

1.5 point: Harmon

Yes: Ahmad Bradshaw, LeGarrette Blount, Mathews, Best, Tim Hightower = 2/5
No: Peyton Hillis, McGahee, Greene, Wells, Ingram = 3/5
Total: 5/10

Receivers

Mack takes first place with the best individual receiver round to date. Meanwhile, Fabiano extends his lead on Berry with a second-place finish and looks like the favorite to win his first week.

5 points: Mack

Yes: Calvin Johnson, Dez Bryant, Steve Smith, DeSean Jackson, Lance Moore = 4/5
No: Michael Crabtree, David Nelson, Mohamed Massaquoi, Victor Cruz, Donald Driver = 5/5
Total: 9/10

4 points: Fabiano

Yes: Hakeem Nicks, Jackson, Santonio Holmes, Santana Moss, Percy Harvin = 2/5
No: Dwayne Bowe, Anquan Boldin, Mike Williams, Sidney Rice, Nate Washington = 3/5
Total: 5/10

3 points: Eisenberg

Yes: Holmes, Reggie Wayne, Bryant, Lance Moore, Denarius Moore = 1/5
No: Boldin, Brandon Lloyd, Chad Ochocinco, Mike Sims-Walker, Rice = 3/5
Total: 4/10

2 points: Berry

Yes: Jackson, Williams, Nelson, Eric Decker, Michael Jenkins = 2/5
No: Lloyd, Julio Jones, Davone Bess = 1/3
Total: 3/8

1 point: Harmon

Yes: Bowe, Lance Moore, Washington, Smith, Moss = 2/5
No: Marshall, Williams, Wayne, Lloyd = 1/4
Total: 3/9

Defense/Special Teams

Not content to rest on his laurels, Fabiano goes out with a bang, earning 18.5 points.

5 points: Fabiano

Yes: Falcons, Redskins, Buccaneers = 2/3
No: Patriots, 49ers, Cowboys = 3/3
Total: 5/6

4 points: Harmon

Yes: Redskins, Saints, Titans, Buccaneers, Colts = 4/5
No: Texans, Falcons = 1/2
Total: 5/7

3 points: Eisenberg

Yes: Saints = 1/1
No: Cowboys = 1/1
Total: 2/2

2 points: Berry

Yes: Texans = 1/1
Total: 1/1

1 point: Mack

Yes: Falcons, Giants, Packers, Patriots = 2/4
No: Lions, Cowboys, 49ers = 2/3
Total: 4/7

The Results

With Fabiano’s win, every expert has now won at least one week (Berry & Eisenberg tied in Week One). What symmetry!

1. Fabiano — 18.5 points
2. Berry — 12.5 points
3. Mack — 11 points
4. Harmon — 9.5 points
4. Eisenberg — 8.5 points

Overall Standings

Mack retains his overall lead, just barely.

1. Mack — 52.5
2. Fabiano — 52
3. Berry — 50
4. Harmon — 43.5
5. Eisenberg — 41.5

Until next week.

Read more of The Triangle, Grantland’s sports blog.

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