About Last Weekend: Not-So-Happy Valley

Justin K Aller/Getty Images Silas Redd

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports over the weekend.

  • In the first game at Happy Valley since the Jerry Sandusky scandal resulted in the firing of Joe Paterno, Penn State lost to Nebraska 17-14. When interim coach Tom Bradley suggested after the game that the “healing process” had started, it was unclear whether he was referring to the scandal or the quality of football played on Saturday.

  • Boise St. lost its undefeated record when the Broncos’ last-second field goal sailed wide right and TCU went on to win 36-35. As is the custom after the first Boise St. loss, Idaho natives immediately retreated to their caves and began to hibernate.
  • In a battle of top-10 teams, Oregon’s LaMichael James rushed for 146 yards as the Ducks topped Stanford 53-30. Fortunately for Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck, the media decided he would win the Heisman Trophy well before the season began.
  • A risky decision to go for it on fourth down deep in his own territory in overtime cost Falcons head coach Mike Smith dearly, as his team lost to the Saints 26-23. “I want everybody to understand I take full responsibility,” Smith said after the game. “But also, understand that it was 100 percent Michael Turner’s fault for running like a complete f*$#ing wimp.”
  • Tony Romo threw for 270 yards and three touchdowns as the Cowboys routed the Bills 44-7. After the game, he was happy to learn that the large group of Dallas fans burning his likeness in effigy were using less gasoline than ever before.
  • Eli Manning couldn’t quite conjure up a second straight week of heroics, and the Giants fell to the 49ers 27-20. After the game, Archie Manning knocked gingerly on his son’s bedroom door to tell him he was still proud of him, but Eli just continued playing video games with a sullen expression.
  • Tim Tebow completed a grand total of two passes, yet Denver managed to beat Kansas City 17-10. Onlookers at the stadium reported that the two teams played a sport closely resembling what we call “American football.”
  • The NBA players’ union plans to meet Monday to discuss the latest offer from the owners in what might be the final meeting before an agreement is reached or the union begins the decertification process. An angry LeBron James, misunderstanding the term, attempted to strike a blow against the owners by tearing up his collection of basketball-related certificates.

Filed Under: About Last Weekend, Andrew Luck, Atlanta Falcons, Boise State, Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos, Eli Manning, Kansas City Chiefs, NBA Lockout, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants, Oregon, Penn State, Roger Federer, San Francisco 49ers, Stanford, Tim Tebow, Tony Romo