» About Last Night: Don’t Mess With Texas

About Last Night: Don’t Mess With Texas

Harry How/Getty Images Nelson Cruz

October 13, 2011

In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

Nelson Cruz preserved Texas’ lead with an outfield assist in the eighth inning, and helped them win the game with a three-run blast in the 11th. With the 7-3 extra winnings win, the Rangers now lead the ALCS 3-1 and can earn their second-straight World Series trip Thursday afternoon in Detroit. If they succeed, it would be the first time anyone earned something in Detroit since the mid-’80s.

A four-run first inning, complete with an Albert Pujols RBI double, was enough to put the Cardinals past the Brewers 4-3. St. Louis took a 2-1 lead in the NLCS, and Milwaukee will need a strong performance from Randy Wolf to even the series Thursday night. Weirdly enough, there will practically be a full moon in the sky. You see what I’m saying? Full moon? Randy WOLF? That’s right: This could be the only night of the year that any Brewer eats more than Prince Fielder.

The fan who threw the hot dog at Tiger Woods said he was inspired by the movie Drive, starring Ryan Gosling. “As soon as the movie ended,” he said, “I thought to myself, ‘I have to do something courageous and epic. I have to throw a hot dog on the green in front of Tiger.'” An additional joke is not necessary here.

A report in the Boston Globe investigating the Red Sox collapse found that several members of the organization were concerned about Terry Francona’s use of pain pills and the game-day drinking of three Red Sox pitchers. Daisuke Matsuzaka’s constant use of pure black tar heroin, on the other hand, never raised an eyebrow.

Sources are reporting that Theo Epstein and the Chicago Cubs have made it official, agreeing to a five-year deal worth between $15 and $20 million. He can also earn an additional $5 million for certain incentives, such as “not pursuing Carl Crawford” and “deleting John Lackey’s number from his cell phone.”

In an interview Wednesday, David Ortiz speculated about the idea of playing for the New York Yankees. “Who doesn’t want to be involved in a great situation where everything goes the right way?” he asked. The answer, of course, is the miserable collection of self-loathing humanity known as Boston.

And just when Boston fans thought things couldn’t get any worse, the Bruins lost an October regular-season game to the Carolina Hurricanes 3-2. Boston’s power play is now 1-for-18 on the season, but it’s unclear whether the Bruins have accrued that total in some kind of misguided tribute to the Red Sox lineup.

NBA players and owners will meet with a federal mediator to attempt to resolve the league’s ongoing labor dispute. “It’s lucky the federal government is so conflict-free,” said commissioner David Stern. “Otherwise they might not have had a mediator to spare.”

After a 13-month investigation, the NCAA has decided that Auburn committed no major violations with regard to Cam Newton and pay-for-play. It turns out they just committed 100,000 minor infractions, one for each innocent dollar they gave to Cam Newton’s dad.