The Headliner

Jack the Giant Slayer

A few months ago, when I went to see the gloriously weird Safe Haven, I happened to be in the hall between screens when a mother came out of another theater to accost a couple of ushers who were cleaning the floor or something and complain to them — as though they had any say in the matter — that all the trailers in front of the movie she’d brought children to see were full of violence and explosions and other scariness inappropriate for the audience. One usher very politely explained that the trailers were for movies rated the same as the one she was seeing: PG-13. “But it’s Jack and the Beanstalk!” she sputtered. “No, it’s Jack the Giant Slayer,” he replied. “It’s about a war against an army of giants.” “Oh,” said the woman. “Apologize to the nice man for trying to hold him responsible for your carelessness,” I did not tell her. I sure thought it, though!

This hysterical/inattentive mom points out the difficulty with all these “dark” “reimaginings” of classic fairy tales. Sure, it seems like a good idea to do a take on this kind of material: Everyone knows the stories, and no one can charge you for the rights. But these are still … stories for children. So if you’re going to pitch them to an audience that’s young-adult and older, it can be very tricky to calibrate them so that they’re full enough of action and violence to be competitive with other PG-13 movies, while still more or less following the original plotline. Snow White and the Huntsman worked, inasmuch as it did, because it cast two stars that tweens love and really downplayed the dwarves. But Jack the Giant Slayer … I mean, even if you change it from one giant to dozens (hundreds?) of giants, it still requires your hero to climb up a damn beanstalk. It’s too silly and babyish for teens and adults, and as much as I might like Ewan McGregor, he’s not enough of a draw to make me see this if I’m pretty certain he’s not going to go full-frontal.

 

New and Notable

21 and Over

A kid turns 21, gets super-drunk, and drags his friends along on the craziest night of all their lives! (Comedy.)

 

Stoker

After her father’s death, India (Mia Wasikowska) has the chance to get to know her uncle (Matthew Goode) when he moves in with her, starts sleeping with her mother (Nicole Kidman), and apparently kills a bunch of people.

 

The Last Exorcism Part II

WELL WAS IT THE LAST EXORCISM OR WASN’T IT.

 

Quartet

Basically, this is The Best Exotic Musical Hotel, minus India.

 

Honor Flight

In this documentary, a community rallies to send four WWII veterans to Washington, D.C., to see the war memorial unveiled in 2005.

 

Glastonbury the Movie (in Flashback)

Never-before-seen footage recaptures high points from the Glastonbury Festival over the decades since its founding.

 

Three Worlds

After committing a hit-and-run, a man starts an affair with a witness to his crime. Only in France, right?!

 

The Girl

A young woman (Abbie Cornish) who loses custody of her son decides a good way to make enough money to get him back is to smuggle Mexicans over the border into Texas.

 

Revenge for Jolly

Wacky small-time criminal high jinks revolving around a dog. No, not Seven Psychopaths.

 

The Condemned

Ana plans to honor her dying father by fixing up his old mansion, but the locals are unfriendly and the house is haunted.

 

Almost in Love

In case you’re not sick of Alex Karpovsky yet, here he is again, in a love story told through two continuous 40-minute takes.

 

The Westsiders

Rosanna Arquette narrates this documentary about the Santa Cruz surf scene.

 

Prank

High school kids plan revenge on their bullies via “pranks” that quickly escalate out of control.

 

Breakup at a Wedding

The videographer captures a wedding in the process of falling apart.

 

Summoned

Jurors who convicted a serial killer five years earlier start getting picked off one by one.

 

Venom

A woman and her daughter are terrorized by a particularly tenacious and single-minded rattlesnake.

 

The Hot Flashes

Brooke Shields reunites her old high school basketball team just in time for them all to be going through menopause.

 

Detention of the Dead

It’s a zombie comedy set in a high school. I don’t know, it looks pretty competent, but … enough.

 

“In Theaters” VOD Picks

How to Make Money Selling Drugs

This fascinating-looking documentary explores the mechanics and economics of the contemporary drug trade, featuring interviews with people on all sides of the issue.

 

Berberian Sound Studio

In the ’70s, a sound engineer (Toby Jones) working on a horror film is rightfully scared when things almost as creepy as the ones onscreen start happening around the studio.

 

Maniac

Take the 100 percent character POV conceit of the British sitcom Peep Show, substitute Elijah Wood for David Mitchell/Robert Webb, and make Frodo a murderer, and voilà! Maniac. (This looks fine, if what you want is to see Elijah Wood slap women around and then kill them, but … Peep Show‘s a lot funnier. And it’s on Netflix. And it’s not about peep shows.)

 

The Guillotines

In Imperial China, a squad of assassins use giant swords to kill a whole bunch of bad guys.

 

Hatchet III

Former child star Danielle Harris is all grown up … and covered in blood.

 

From the Head

Ho hum, another movie set in a strip club, right? WRONG. This one is told from the bathroom attendant’s point of view! TWIST!

 

Early VOD Release

Apartment 1303

If the amazing apartment you can somehow afford even though you’re only 24 seems too good to be true, it’s probably because the last tenant killed herself and is still haunting it.

 

Haunting of Helena

What’s worse than the ghost of a young woman who killed herself haunting you? The ghost of a little girl who makes bloody teeth fall from the ceiling right into your soup.

 

Weird Indie of the Week

45 Minutes From Broadway

A family of actors try (too hard) to impress a daughter’s new fiancé.

 

Masochist’s Choice

Slink

While we all agree with the premise of Slink — namely that people who run tanning salons are creeps (if not necessarily serial killers) — I can’t endorse this movie based on the terrible performances on display by all the amateur actors in the trailer.