Holy crap, American Reunion looks depressing. The big selling point here is that they got all the original American Pie cast members back together — but that just forces you to consider the dwindling fortunes of these poor lost souls. Tara Reid, of course, leads the pack in general sadness. Chris Klein is a close second: It’s been more than a year, and his leaked Mamma Mia! audition is still the stuff of nightmares. Stifler was killing it (relatively) for a while, but then he went to rehab and disappeared. Jason Biggs has been trying to coast on Saving Silverman for a decade. Why are working actors Eddie Kaye Thomas and Alyson Hannigan in this? We can’t rule out the possibility that Rookie of the Year shank-threatened them into it. Anyway, the movie’s first trailer arrived today and it revolves around Biggs masturbating into a sock again. (Yes, this means he will, at some point, probably bang another pie.) Sorry for ruining your day!