Random Top Fives, in Honor of ‘Top Five’


Top Five is out today. Read Rembert’s interview with Chris Rock here. Enjoy an assortment of staff top-five lists below. Yes, we know that Pac and Big are not in the first one.

Top Five Rappers of All Time

1. Jay Z
2. Ghostface
3. Nas
4. Kanye
5. Pusha
— Chris Ryan

Top Five A Nightmare on Elm Street Movies

1. A Nightmare on Elm Street
2. New Nightmare
3. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
4. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
5. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge
— Molly Lambert

Top Five Embarrassing Songs I Just Found in My iTunes

5. 10,000 Maniacs, “Because the Night”
4. Sophie B. Hawkins, “As I Lay Me Down”
3. Toby Keith, “Should’ve Been a Cowboy”
2. Omarion featuring Lil Wayne, “Comfort”
1. Jimmy Buffett, Live in Anguilla (full album)
— Andrew Sharp

Top Five Names From the 2014 All-Name Lacrosse Team

5. Fleet Jernigan, Hampden-Sydney
4. Murphy Vandervelde, Harvard
3. Wellington Stanwick, Johns Hopkins
2. Alden Frelinghuysen, St. Lawrence
1. F. Hambleton Sonnenfeld, Dartmouth
— Katie Baker

Top Five British People, Right Now

5. FKA twigs
4. Luol Deng
3. Emma Thompson
2. Adele
1. Geoff Dyer
— Juliet Litman

Top Five Fletch Aliases

1. John Coctolstoy
2. Eldridge Cleaver
3. Nostradamus
4. Billie Jean King
5. Mr. Babar

— Alex Pappademas

Top Five Call Signs I’d Want If I Were a Battlestar Galactica Viper Pilot

1. Halo
2. Nox
3. Rhaegar
4. Nimbus
5. Warg
— Mallory Rubin

Top Five Erotic Toothpastes

1. Pepsodent
2. Jason “Powersmile”
3. Sensodyne ProNamel
4. Aim
5. Tom’s of Maine
— Chuck Klosterman

Top Five Things Falcons Coach Mike Smith Thinks About During First-and-Goal

1. I wonder if A League of Their Own is on-demand?
2. Let’s run it.
3. Do I have a wife?
4. Hockey.
5. Why isn’t wife spelled with a “y”?
— Rembert Browne

Top Five Names for an Aging Goat

1. Old Ruff N’ Ready
2. Murray
3. Basil Rathbone
4. Trixter
5. Jasper Wolfman
— Chuck Klosterman

Top Five Dylan Songs (The Other One)

5. “I’ll Keep It With Mine”
4. “No Time to Think”
3. Like a Rolling Stone”
2. “It’s Alright Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)”
1. “This Wheel’s on Fire”
— Sean Fennessey

Top Five Convoluted Band Lineup Timelines on Wikipedia

5. The Beach Boys
4. Earth, Wind & Fire
3. Steppenwolf
2. The Flying Burrito Brothers
1. Santana
— Ben Lindbergh

Top Five Bones

1. Femur
2. Skull
3. Dr. Leonard McCoy
4. Orbital
5. Floating rib
— Chuck Klosterman

Top Five True Things About Burgeoning Hollywood Superstar Jai Courtney

5. Jai Courtney, an Australian, grew up in an idyllic-sounding New South Wales suburb called Cherrybrook. He is by far its most notable resident, unless you are a fan of Australian rules football, rugby, or the Australian version of The Mole.

4. Jai Courtney is either named for American actor/martial artist Michael Jai White1 or the deadly sport of jai alai, depending on which parent you ask.

3. Jai Courtney has been working out!

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 1.57.25 PM

2. Jai Courtney was secretly raised by Hugh Jackman, who found him in a basket of oranges left in his driveway and nursed Courtney back to health from a medicine dropper full of Muscle Milk. The oranges were also delicious.

1. Jai Courtney has been sent here from the future to fascinate (and then murder) me.
— Mark Lisanti

Top Five Items Available on Madewell.com

5. Anywhere dress in tweed
4. Frontrunner tee in colorblock
3. Uphill sweater jacket
2. Modblock zip dress
1. Transport tote (monogramming not necessary)
— Juliet Litman

Top Five Places to Eat a Bear

1. Sink
2. Couch
3. Rug
4. Screened-in porch
5. Car
— Rembert Browne

Top Five Under-the-Radar Fruits

1. Persimmon (Fuyu)
2. Hami melon
3. White currant
4. Rambutan
5. Loquat
— Danny Chau

Top Five Fingers

5. Pinky
4. Ring
3. Index
2. Middle
1. Thumb2
— Dan Fierman

Top Five Seasons of a Television Series

1. The Wire, Season 3
2. Deadwood, Season 1
3. Lost, Season 3
4. Friday Night Lights, Season 1
5. Homicide: Life on the Street, Season 1
 Chris Ryan

Top five dogs in Best in Show

5. Beatrice the Weimaraner (nurture over nature)
4. Rhapsody in White a.k.a Butch the standard poodle
3. Winky the Norwich terrier
2. Miss Agnes and Tyrone the Shih Tzus
1. Hubert the bloodhound
— Katie Baker

Top Five Moments From Sylvester Stallone’s 1987 action drama Over the Top

5. When Lincoln Hawk comes onscreen, and you realize Stallone is playing a character named “Lincoln Hawk.”

4. When Michael, Hawk’s son, arm wrestles a kid on a pinball machine, wins, and realizes he loves his dad.

3. When that one guy drinks oil or something.

2. When you remember Sylvester Stallone is playing a character named “Lincoln Hawk.”

1. When Hawk wins the arm wrestling tournament by defeating the mammoth Bull Hurley, and Michael’s disapproving grandfather decides that means Hawk is going to be a good dad.
— Shea Serrano

Top Five Things Sean Fennessey Has Been Aggressively Wrong About in the Past 24 Months

5. Orlando Magic
4. Russell Westbrook
3. Jennifer Lawrence
2. John Wall
1. Taylor Swift
— Andrew Sharp

Top Five Ranking of the Places to be Ranked on a Top Five Ranking

5. No. 4. Either the second or second-to-last place to be ranked depending on the order of the list.

4. No. 3. By now people are skimming.

3. No. 5. If it’s descending order, no. 5 gets to come in and set the tone.

2. No. 1. The consensus pick. OK, but ultimately a sellout.

1. No. 2. The cool people always think no. 2 should’ve been no.1.
— Jason Concepcion

Filed Under: Lists, Mark Lisanti, Juliet Litman, Chris Ryan, Shea Serrano, Mallory Rubin, Katie Baker, Molly Lambert, Dan Fierman, Chuck Klosterman, Sean Fennessey, Danny Chau, Jason Concepcion, The Wire, Jay Z, Fletch, Alex Pappademas, Andrew Sharp