Brodyssey Resumes: Lane Kiffin Alights in Tuscaloosa As Offensive Coordinator

Holly Anderson/Grantland Illustration Kiffykins's Crusade


MIKE SLIVE, SEC COMMISSIONER: You lost today, kid. But that doesn’t mean you have to like it.

[SLIVE places a visor on a young LANE KIFFIN’s head at a rakish angle, the hat brim blocking the boy’s face.]

[CLOSE ON THE TOP OF THE FEDORA HAT. The hat brim fills the screen. As the brim tilts up, WE SEE … the face of FULL-GROWN LANE KIFFIN.]

[And … POW! … he’s punched in the face while his arms are pinned behind his back.]


SLIVE: Small world, Coach Kiffin.

KIFFIN: Too small for two of us.

[SLIVE (years older now) removes A CRYSTAL FOOTBALL THAT HAS BEEN FASHIONED INTO A BEER BONG HELMET from Kiffin’s fanny pack.]

SLIVE: This is the second time I’ve had to reclaim my conference’s property from you.

KIFFIN: That belongs in a museum!

SLIVE: So do you!

KIFFIN (muttering): Your FACE belongs in a museum.


Forgive us, Jeffrey Boam.

Filed Under: College Football, Nick Saban

Holly Anderson is a staff writer at Grantland.

Archive @ HollyAnderson