Martin Scorsese and Harry Styles

There’s almost certainly no truth to the rumor that Martin Scorsese is a superfan of British boy band One Direction, but hey — it’s a slow news week, and who cares if it’s true when it’s this hilarious to think about? According to the New York Daily News, “Martin is very passionate and enthused about the music of One Direction” after being turned on to the group by his daughter Francesca. One Direction had a huge hit with the highly staged biographical concert film This Is Us earlier this year, directed by Morgan Spurlock. Scorsese actually did hit a One D gig in New York at Madison Square Garden last year, documented in a brief This Is Us cameo. Maybe Marty was scouting Harry Styles to play a young Mick Jagger?

One of Scorsese’s next listed projects is his long-gestating Sinatra biopic. Leonardo DiCaprio should probably put a hold on that rumored break from acting long enough to play Old Blue Eyes for Scorsese, on the off chance he doesn’t win that Oscar this year that he’s been salivating over forever. But if Leo makes him wait, Scorsese might have time to slip a couple of more projects in. Scorsese is of course no stranger to the music doc, having made the Stones’ 2008 concert film, the Bob Dylan documentary No Direction Home, and The Last Waltz, which chronicles The Band’s last shows (and Neil Young’s coke boogers).

Scorsese hasn’t directed a music video since Michael Jackson’s “Bad,” but that alone is evidence that he’s no rockist. His pop sensibilities can clearly run toward the thoroughly populist. Should any collaboration ever come to fruition, it could lend the prefab five such much needed edge and win him about a billion cool dad points with Francesca, who is 14 and probably not allowed to see The Wolf of Wall Street yet (but will anyway). Imagine the possibilities: Louis pulling a candle out of Harry! Zayn popping Niall’s eye out of its socket in an industrial vise! Liam training for an assassination attempt and shaving his hair into a Mohawk! And so many available titles: Liam Streets? Raging Niall? The Zayn of Innocence? Still sounds like a wildly stupid idea? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. I’m the guy doing my job, you must be the other guy. Jump into the fire, boys of 1D!