Five Possible Saturday Night Live Sketches for Lana Del Rey

The Lana Del Rey buzzsaw rampages on! Mere months after busting out on your RSS feed, the pouty crooner has booked international TV appearances, a major label record deal — and, now, a gig on Saturday Night Live. Yesterday, Del Rey was announced as the musical guest for the January 14 episode, the one hosted by Daniel Radcliffe. If you’re just tuning in: Del Rey broke out with her YouTube hit “Video Games,” then was quickly knocked for perceived inauthenticity when it turned out she used to perform by her birth name, Lizzie Grant, and also maybe used to not have such dramatically photogenic lips. (Representative Tweet: “Please tell me lana del rey is really a new natalie portman video directed by Lonely Island?”) Now we seem to be in the backlash-to-the-backlash stage, or possibly the pre-backlash-to-the-backlash. Or maybe everyone’s just run out of anger to spew? Either way, these days, with her debut Born To Die a month away, the internet seems to be a little less actively mad at Lana.

Which brings us to SNL. If Del Rey can ascend from blog controversy to the heights of late night television in such a short span of time, it’s not inconceivable that she’ll continue to grow exponentially more famous in the next few weeks before her episode airs. Famous enough to not only play music on SNL, but also to star in a sketch which astutely but lovingly pokes fun at her public persona? Possibly! Just in case, Grantland’s whipped up a few semi-terrible ideas. ATTN Seth Meyers: this is just to get the ball rolling. If you want to discuss further, get at me dog.

1. Fake commercial: The Lana Del Rey Career Makeover Center

A forward-thinking establishment where aspiring musicians from all genres and backgrounds can come for help with their career trajectory from a real-deal Interscope recording artist. Lana’s advice to everyone: re-edit your music videos to feature more obscure, grainy VHS footage and get lip injections. Then she can trot out the success cases, who all now do the pout and the dead-eyes thing. The catchphrase (said in Scarlett Johansson’s chandelier-saleswoman voice): Boom! You Just Got Lana Del Rey’d!

2.Digital Short: Lana Del Rey and Andy Samberg show you how to sexily hold a cat

3. A homage to SNL classic “Dear Sister
A bunch of bros are hanging out and discussing playing video games, only every time they mention playing video games, Lana Del Rey slides across the screen and starts singing “go play your video games”? Eventually the bros get so frustrated, they give up on playing video games altogether and instead leave a string of mean comments about Lana on Stereogum.

4. A fake commercial for The Lana Del Rey Blog Backlash Survival Guide
A practical how-to in order to weather the storm of internet hate. Step one: Acquire hammer. Step two: Smash your computer with hammer. Step three: Suy a Ferrari. And if you feel like shouting out Grantland’s own Carles’s Hipster Runoff somewhere in the middle of this one, that’s cool too.

5. Born to Diet
Like, Lana Del Rey uses her own personal brand to launch a Weight Watchers competitor? OK, sorry, sorry, this is hard. This one can run in the 12:50 spot?

Amos Barshad is a Grantland staff writer.

Filed Under: Daniel Radcliffe, Lana Del Rey, Saturday Night Live, SNL

Amos Barshad has written for New York Magazine, Spin, GQ, XXL, and the Arkansas Times. He is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ AmosBarshad