If you can’t wait for the release (when? When? WHEN??) of Dirty White Boy, here is Michael K. Williams harnessing the dirrrty vocal stylings of ODB in a cover of “Brooklyn Zoo.”

• It’s a very good day for vegetarians, what with a horseburger scare and this sad article about shellfish fearing electric shocks so much they can learn to avoid hiding in their caves. “Crustaceans are invertebrates and people do not care about invertebrates.” Oh my God, stop. Of course, you could just tape this New York Times piece about feces transplants to your refrigerator and never eat again: “Books on traditional Chinese medicine mention giving it to people by mouth to cure diarrhea in the fourth century; one book called it yellow soup.” I am so sorry, everyone. I had to put that quote in there. For the shellfish. But I’m really sorry.
• Hmmmm, indeed! Michael Jackson’s dermatologist may have just outed himself as Prince Jackson’s biological father.
• R.I.P., Dear Abby.
• The Strokes are releasing their fifth studio album later this year.
• #Teoing is a thing now. Related: Notre Shame.
• Breaking Bad‘s Betsy Brandt has been cast as Michael J. Fox’s wife in an upcoming, untitled series.
• These are the most intriguing descriptions from the Sundance Film Festival.
• It’s 2013 and the best technology we’ve developed for transcribing television programs gives us this: “some dude who look like my heating and look like Michael Jack thank you — — on what some plastic and he could this — right here.” This is unacceptable, but sort of transfixing.
• The GLAAD Media Awards nominations are in, including the first PG-rated, animated film (ParaNorman) to be nominated by the organization.
• Michelle Obama tweets @Flotus.
• Facebook statuses are squatters in the precious real estate of your brain, forcibly evicting memories of faces, Dickens passages, and words painstakingly written “by monks with goose-feather quills.”