Posts by Tess Lynch

  • Mass Text

    ‘Mass Text’ Is Trying Its Hardest to Be Just as Hateable as ‘Friday’

    On Tuesday night, actress Tay Allyn posted a video for an ear-curdling song called “Mass Text.” Despite the claims in her site’s bio that she “has created a new breed of Pop that’s like Ke$ha without the sex, and Lady Gaga without the avant garde” and was “chosen by Justin Timberlake and the new Myspace.com […]

  • Afternoon Links: The Local News Was So Much Better in the ’80s

    I know that we’ve spent enough of our generation’s time doting on the ’80s, but this vintage news intro from Milwaukee’s Channel 6 is all kinds of great. Look at the innocence, the sincerity, of mustaches and microphones in a pre–Ron Burgundy world. It’s like Norman Rockwell in shoulder pads.

  • Afternoon Links: The Lost Kanye West HBO Pilot

    I learned an important lesson today. This morning, I found a link with an embedded clip from a 2008 DOA HBO Kanye West comedy. Being an extremely smart person who is Internet-savvy as hell, I thought I’d save it for after I had coffee and stared at my toes for four hours, at which point […]

  • Jenny McCarthy

    When Craven Ratings Grabs Turn Dangerous: Jenny McCarthy Joins The View

    Now that Elisabeth Hasselbeck, very good Survivor player and gluten-free conservative, has vacated her seat at The View, Jenny McCarthy is moving in. Despite the rumors that Hasselbeck was ousted because her right-wing coffee talk alienated viewers, it looks as though ABC is in a gambling mood. McCarthy is now as known for her controversial […]

  • Afternoon Links: Everyone Poops, Reminds Morgan Freeman

    I think that one of the weirdest memes we’ve got going right now is celebrity impersonators doing dramatic readings while in character. Obviously, Morgan Freeman is at the top of the list here. Above, impressionist Joseph Scales channels Freeman for Everyone Poops and delivers his monologue into a no-frills tilty webcam. Scales rose to Reddit […]

  • Sharknado

    Afternoon Links: Sharknadomania!

    You crawl out of your basement with your flashlight in hand. You walk out your front door and look around. Felled trees, broken fins, Tara Reid, chainsaws: Oh, how the landscape has changed. It looks like a murder scene bred with a sushi bar. Toto’s collar is on the ground next to a flopping shark. […]

  • Afternoon Links: The Sharknado Trailer Reminds You Tornados Full of Sharks Will Be on Your TV Tonight

    Hi, chums! The wait is now over, the Sharknado trailer has arrived. Hooray! Steve Sanders is so toast. The Pacific Standard covered the studio responsible for this cinematic cream puff, the Asylum, in a feature that explores the B-movie machine’s other endeavors — dogs celebrating or saving Christmas and diet versions of blockbusters (Transmorphers, Battle […]

  • Girls in Hoodies Podcast: Summer Jams

    Is “Blurred Lines” offensive or just a stone-cold jam? Will Miley ever find what she’s looking for? Has the Internet made music fandom more superficial or deeper than ever before? Will Tess ever stop hating disco? All this and more on the new Girls in Hoodies. Listen to the podcast here: ESPN.com Podcenter. Subscribe to […]

  • Justin Bieber

    An Angry Summer: Recapping the Month in Overheated Controversy

    We are in the middle of an “angry summer,” but on the Internet, we are always in the middle of one angry season or another. Cranky winters and salty springs. U mad? U R. A media event occurs. It is infuriating. People sit down at their laptops, and suddenly it’s 12 Angry Men, but nobody […]

  • Afternoon Links: Justin Bieber, the Urine Bucket, and the Cup

    You can really tell when an article (a term used loosely, because this piece is over at TMZ) is written by someone whose personal history has been marked by mopping a commercial floor. When Justin Bieber let his stream of magical pop-piss fly into a restaurant’s mop bucket, the author of this thing didn’t hold […]

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