You crawl out of your basement with your flashlight in hand. You walk out your front door and look around. Felled trees, broken fins, Tara Reid, chainsaws: Oh, how the landscape has changed. It looks like a murder scene bred with a sushi bar. Toto’s collar is on the ground next to a flopping shark. You may not have seen the Sharknado hit, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t affect you profoundly. You have the distinct sense that this is a weather pattern that will repeat, and that said repeat may in fact already be brewing. Batten down the hatches. We must prepare for Aftersharks, for the Tsharknami, and in cold regions, for the Sharkalanche. Someone call Al Gore. This is an emergency.

• Another emergency with jaws: bear attacks. A news reporter from Lil’ Rhody walks you through how to deal.
• Snapchatting smells sounds pretty nice until you think of how your enemies could use it against you.
• Here’s a teaser for Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, “not an ordinary biopic.” So … sharks?
• Diplo said that Beyoncé scrapped her album and started over, then clarified that by “record” he only meant “one song smdh.”
• Well, this was not obvious! L.A. Weekly claims that the best L.A. novel is … drum roll please … If He Hollers Let Him Go.
• Oprah’s interview with Lindsay Lohan will air in August, while an eight-part documentary series will be show on OWN in 2014. OWNado! Lohannicane!
• Charlie Day was cast in Pacific Rim because Guillermo del Toro enjoyed his It’s Always Sunny rat-killing speech.
• A new Bill Cosby stand-up special jiggles your way this November.
• Better late than never: Here is a Tumblr I enjoyed today.
• Twelve hundred screenshots of computer interfaces from movies.
• “A book is an app written in the raw language of the mind that interfaces the reader with the powerful imagination of a great writer.” —Some good points in here, but the writing for Scarface: The World Is Yours was impeccable.