I learned an important lesson today. This morning, I found a link with an embedded clip from a 2008 DOA HBO Kanye West comedy. Being an extremely smart person who is Internet-savvy as hell, I thought I’d save it for after I had coffee and stared at my toes for four hours, at which point the video had been removed by HBO’s copyright police. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! I mourned, I atoned, I vowed to change, and lo and behold, the clip was found again. Redemption! Yahoo explains how the clip got out there, uploaded by an actress who appears alongside West. And if it goes away again, they summarize: West plays himself, paying a visit to a terminally ill child, and the “clip hits rock bottom when Quinn announces that they’ve found a donor heart for the Make-a-Wish kid and goes into graphic details about her gory death. West does his best to look on incredulously. It all ends with Quinn going on an unfunny extended monologue about the donor girl.” During my period of sad introspection, I happened to realize I hate all of my clothes, which I will now use to segue into our next order of busnyeezus: Kanye’s comedy career might not be taking off, but his apparel side project is very healthy indeed. His $120 white T-shirt is only available via back order or eBay (where the price jumps to $300). ’Ye, please. For $38 I can get an NSFW graphic slapped on my shirt that makes me look like I’m an aroused, pants-less man. Up your game!

• If Uncle Jesse makes you feel as lusty as a boner trompe l’oeil, you better sit down. Jesse and the Rippers are reuniting.
• Ray Donovan and Billy on the Street get the renewals they deserve.
• Justin Bieber is a serial spitter.
• I’m just going to tell my kids about the time when Cocky McSwagsalot was our national hero for five minutes. Never ever forget.
• Will Smith’s love interest in Focus to be played by 23-year-old tiny baby.
• WAIT, WHAT’S THAT? WAS A BABY BORN?
• Assorted reality casting calls.
• American Dads don’t die, they move to TBS where they’re just going to put their feet up and relax with a cold one.
• You are not hating Skyler enough, likability graph!
• Dream pop is coming.
• How could I leave you this afternoon without ruining the rest of your evening and redefining the term “ear worm”?