I know that we’ve spent enough of our generation’s time doting on the ’80s, but this vintage news intro from Milwaukee’s Channel 6 is all kinds of great. Look at the innocence, the sincerity, of mustaches and microphones in a pre–Ron Burgundy world. It’s like Norman Rockwell in shoulder pads.

• Dumb hipster > [really awful thing we won’t print] in the insult world, per Ryan Gosling.
• Headline of the day: A Brief History of Toilet-Based Animal Attacks.
• One Twilight lady has been swapped for another on Zach Braff’s Kickstarted movie, Wish I Was Here.
• Dan Harmon recounts his epic Community career saga, and Modern Family‘s Danny Zuker teaches you how to win a Twitter fight.
• Cory Monteith’s death has been confirmed: Heroin and alcohol were to blame.
• Oh, Lady Haha.
• One Direction’s leaky single is here for your tweenage friends (why do you have tweenage friends, creep?).
• Taylor Swift fans are terrifying.
• “It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay/that was specifically purchased to repel black flies.”
• Our own Chuck Klosterman is giving a reading from his new essay collection, I Wear the Black Hat: Grappling With Villains (Real and Imagined), in Los Angeles tonight. Here is your study guide.
• Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is on the cover of Rolling Stone, because … uh, somebody made that call, I guess. Good luck finding your copy, because several retailers have opted not to carry the issue. Related: We’re more forgiving than we think.