Posts by Ian Cohen

May 7, 2013
Songs for a Blue Warriors Fan

There will be no shortage of commentary on the devastating, nay, soul-decimating loss suffered by the Golden State Warriors last night. And rightfully so, seeing how it was so epic that even our typically stoic Bill Barnwell tried to find understanding in a proverbial car crash by suggesting that Warriors fans might find some solace […]
May 2, 2013
Meet the Timmy Chang All-Stars: College Football’s Lovable Folk Heroes

The 2012 college football season was something else, right? Remember all those killer pancake blocks from Eric Fisher? Ryan Nassib leading Syracuse to glory in a series of fearless two-minute drills? Cordarrelle Patterson making an impossible leap to secure a touchdown during a thrilling Tennessee comeback? See, this is what happens when college football spends […]
April 25, 2013
Best-and-Worst-Case Scenario NFL Draft Quarterback Comparisons

I don’t know how my superiors feel about my saying this, but … the upcoming NFL regular season is going to be so pointless. Or at the very least, completely unsurprising. A quick survey of the teams with the first 10 picks of the NFL draft makes one thing abundantly clear: You need a premier […]
April 16, 2013
Determining Where Raekwon McMillan Will Go to College Based on Only Built 4 Cuban Linx Lyrics

I have no intention to make fun of Raekwon McMillan; I have no intention to make fun of anyone who’s 6-foot-2, 250 pounds, and incredibly skilled at hurting people. No, this is more to just point out how the subject of the most heated recruiting battle in the Class of 2014 just so happens to […]
April 8, 2013
Want to Rebuild Your Dormant College Football Program? You Need a Coaching Moses!

It goes without saying that the most difficult endeavor anyone takes up at the collegiate level is forming an intramural flag football team. The mere logistics are frightening: finding at least 10 people who can agree to not be drunk for the same two-hour span, one day a week; figuring out what sporting goods store […]
April 2, 2013
You Smell Like Desperation: Losers of the College Basketball Coaching Carousel

To paraphrase Chris Rock, desperation is the worst cologne. And when it comes to the post–NCAA tournament coaching carousel, the landscape of college basketball feels cloaked by a cloud of metaphysical Drakkar Noir. The absurd time crunch and constant influx of hot new names on a daily basis make the whole process feel less like […]
March 25, 2013
La Salle Provides One Shining Moment in a Year of Pain and Misery for Philly Sports

Sometimes the only way to deal with Philadelphia sports fandom is by imposing a Philadelphia Sports Boycott. Surely, others have come up with a similar idea and put it into practice; I just happened to name it and capitalize it for posterity. The definition and causes of a PSB remain necessarily vague, but in short, […]
March 15, 2013
What Happens When Blue-Chip College Quarterbacks Transfer?

There’s no shame in transferring from one college to another. There is, however, usually lots of shame behind that decision. You know how this typically goes down. There’s the guy blindsided by classes that require more academic effort than half-heartedly slapping together dioramas based on the exploits of George Washington Carver. Or, there’s the guy […]
March 6, 2013
The Sartorial Civil War: Oregon State Teaches Its College Football Brethren How to Stunt

The football rivalry between Oregon and Oregon State, nicknamed the “Civil War,” has always had something of an image problem. Take the name, for starters: Though quite common, it’s not as deliciously ironic as the BYU-Utah “Holy War,” or as geographically appropriate as the West Virginia–Pittsburgh “Backyard Brawl.” But for decades, that name was all […]
February 25, 2013
Secret Yelp Reviews of the ACC-Themed Airport Restaurant

New restaurants have a staggering failure rate, largely because the infinite number of aspiring proprietors ignore the eternal truth, “Nature abhors a vacuum.” This explains the inevitable shuttering of your friend’s food truck that specialized in artisanal Fruit by the Foot or that gastropub down the block that tried to target-market college kids by serving […]

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