Don’t Touch Chris Paul’s Head!
Don’t do it. Are you thinking about touching his head? You really, really shouldn’t. If you get up one morning and think to yourself, I’m going to fly to L.A. and just … just tousle Chris Paul’s dome. Don’t. Resist the urge. Go to see the world’s largest garden gnome or something. He won’t get nearly as mad about getting touched as Chris Paul does.
Pau Gasol probably should have gone to see the gnome. Instead he touched Chris Paul’s head and all this stuff happened:
- Chris Paul: “He tried to touch the top of my head. I don’t like that. I got a son of my own. I don’t know if Pau got kids, but don’t touch the top of my head like I’m one of your kids. I don’t know what his intentions were, and it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if he’s got kids, but I’m not one of them.” OK!
- Pau Gasol: “That’s the way he is. It doesn’t surprise me. Sometimes you just get tired of certain people, certain players talking too much. That’s what happened.” More Pau: “I do that all the time with my teammates. It’s OK. It’s like if I touch your shoulder or your back. There’s nothing mean about it, but it is what it is.”
“It is what it is” is not really getting us anywhere, P. We need some third-party analysis here. I don’t like my head being touched either (not that you asked), so I kind of come down on Team Chris.
The big question here: Is messing with another person’s melon part of the Kobe System? “Chris is chippy. I’m extremely chippy, and that DNA spreads to the rest of the team. That’s how it is,” Bryant said. You guys should do a podcast about being chippy. I’d listen. Later, Bryant continued to muse on Pat-Gate: “Chris doesn’t like that stuff. He’s got that little-man complex. I do that to his head all the time. Man, he just hates it. But he’s a tough little [expletive], and he’s not going to let that [expletive] slide, accident or not.”
Here’s the thing: a little-known rule change slid into the new collective bargaining agreement requires Charles Oakley to preside over all NBA altercations. Look it up. Oak, thankfully, chimed on Twitter about the whole thing: “pgasol touch chris p head, he should hit him in the head with the ball, that a no, touch man head, I wish.”