Oh! His X-rays are negative!? Is this what it feels like to become a father, guys?! This joy I’m feeling!? Look, I’m the world’s second-biggest Nick Foles fan. (Mays really likes Nick Foles.) (Actually, I’m sure there are, like, a baker’s dozen of people who are bigger Nick Foles fans than me.) (I’m in a really high percentile, though.) But Michael Vick is the starting quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles. There’s only one man who is going to jump on the back of the bird and fly us all the way to the mountaintop. You know what that mountaintop is called? Mount NFC Championship! That’s where Eagles are supposed to die! Not on the field! During a preseason game! THAT TOM BRADY DIDN’T EVEN TRAVEL TO. Why am I already yelling!? It’s still August!