No, Nick Saban Didn’t See This Week’s Cover of Sports IllustratedKevin C. Cox/Getty Images
The best part about Nick Saban is how he never, ever stops being Nick Saban. For example, a reporter asked this question this week: “Coach, it seems like almost several times a year your team gets a magazine cover. A.J. [McCarron] got one today. Two questions. One, how does A.J. look as a cover boy?”
So, pretty lighthearted question right there. Nice midweek diversion for a team that’s playing the Chattanooga Mocs this weekend.
A typical football coach might laugh and say something like this: “You know, after everything that A.J. has done for us over the past few years, it’s great to see him get some recognition. He’s a great kid, and he deserves it. And hey, he looks great in that letterman jacket!”
But that coach is a loser and always will be.
“Do you think I sit around all day looking at magazines or what?”
Would you ask Barack Obama what he thinks of a magazine cover?
Then why the fuck are you asking Nick Saban?
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about. … You need to come here and walk around and follow me around for like a week.”
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“I haven’t seen the newspaper today, I don’t know what’s happening in the world.”
Current events are for cowards and Vanderbilt.
“I watch The Weather Channel. For 10 minutes in the morning while I have a cup of coffee. So I know what the weather’s gonna be, so if we can practice inside or outside.”
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“Other than that? … I’m happy for A.J., and I’m sure he looks great, but …”
But you’re an idiot.
“What was it you asked me about the other day, like something came out, like I was supposed to be right on the edge of my seat. Like, you know, that’s all I’ve got to worry about.”
Saban’s got more important things to focus on. Is Bama practicing inside?
You may think this is kind of a ridiculous way to a handle a throwaway question, but maybe that’s why you’ll never be no. 1.
Maybe that’s why you’ll never be a champion.
Nick Saban doesn’t have time to waste with throwaway questions. He’s got to get his football team ready for Chattanooga. He’s gotta recruit. He’s gotta watch The Weather Channel. He forgot his birthday last year. Because you know what?
Birthday cakes don’t win championships.
Did you celebrate your birthday last year? Do you read magazines? Do you know what’s going on in the world? Well good luck with all that. Hope you enjoy yourself while Nick Saban is over here winning championships and showing you what greatness looks like. You’re welcome. ROLL TIDE ROLL WEATHER CHANNEL FUCK CURRENT EVENTS.