Make “Empire State of Mind” his warm-up music; start giving interviews in a pronounced, obviously fake Boston accent; get “AARON BOONE” tattooed across his stomach in the same font as the THUG LIFE font; do Aaron Hernandez’s touchdown dance every time he gives up a home run; practice his putting in the bullpen; open up Boston’s first El Pollo Loco location; open Boston’s first Brew Thru; open Boston’s first combination El Pollo Loco-Brew Thru; come out strongly, publicly, vocally for Bobby Valentine’s continued managerial stewardship of the Red Sox.

In case you hadn’t heard: Josh Beckett reportedly played golf before missing a start.