Derrick Rose doesn’t even know how to talk about pizza without being super intense and almost uncomfortably sincere. The Thibs joke is pretty great, though. What’s happening here? Is Thibs calling him in the middle of the night while standing in front of Lake Michigan, staring into the void, and rasping, “Maybe if you didn’t eat so much pizza you’d be playing by now. But you are a weak little pizza person.” Is that happening? Can it?

By the way, since this involves Derrick Rose, Robert Mays needs to weigh in: “I’m sticking with Lou Malnati’s, but I respect Derrick’s right to his opinion.” God, Chicago is weird. Have fun with your ridiculous dough-y monstrosity, you heathens.