Die Antwoord, “DIS IZ WHY I’M HOT (zef remix)”

You’re rapping over that Mims song?! Mims??!!! It’s been, like, six years! He was famous for like 45 seconds! Die Antwoord — just when I thought you couldn’t have gotten any less one-note, you go and do something like this … and totally redeem yourselves!

Kanye West feat. Jay-Z and Big Sean, “Clique”

Jesus, this Kanye verse. In less than a minute and a half he shouts out Kim Kardashian’s sex tape and former CIA director George Tenet, makes up a nickname for Tom Cruise, picks a fight with Spike Lee, references the “Imma let you finish” meme, and gives the people of Israel an excellent new T-shirt slogan.

Lil Wayne feat. Nicki Minaj, “Mercy”

This is the track where Nicki went “I’m a Republican voting for Mitt Romney / you lazy bitches are fucking up the economy” and everybody freaked out before remembering oh right, it’s hip-hop, people say weird stuff they don’t mean all the time. As Spin‘s Brandon Soderberg compares and contrasts, “[O]ne certainly shouldn’t take rappers’ attempts to get clever too literally … Big Sean gets away with rapping “I give her that D / Because that’s where I was born and raised in,” which sounds clever if you don’t think about it at all (otherwise, he’s saying he was born and raised in a dick).

Zebra Katz and Boyfriend, “W8WTF”

Oh, these kids and their new slang! (P.S. I hope W8WTF doesn’t mean anything too perverted?)

How to Dress Well, “& It Was U”

Bold move, Tom Krell, using the phrase “how to dress well” as your stage name — certainly raises expectations. But you are wearing shorts and a baggy Fila crewneck in your promo photo, so it looks like you’ve got nothing to worry about.

David Byrne & St. Vincent, “Who”

Wow. Look at this guy’s moves. Unbelievable. How about, in the next Step Up flick, the role of “cantankerous dance legend who acts as reluctant role model to spunky young ballerina mixing it up with the break-dancers from the wrong side of the tracks” is played by David Byrne? That shit would get pretty weird, pretty fast!

Alicia Keys feat. Nicki Minaj, “Girl on Fire”

And, somewhere, McKayla Maroney is punching a pillow while screaming at herself: “McKayla! If you had only stuck the Mustafina, you’d have a top hip-hop artist shouting you out on a big radio single right now too!”

Here We Go Magic, “Hard to Be Close”

This is a really good video. I’m deathly afraid of getting stuck in elevators, and this is still a really good video.

Kilo Kish, “Creep Wave”

This sounds like a gnarlier, balls-high Kitty Pryde. That is a compliment.

Fidlar, “Cheap Beer”

Your WEEKND … STARTS … NOOOOOW!!!