Grading the Charts … In HOLIDAY SONGS!

1. Rod Stewart, “Red-Suited Super Man”

The only original track on Rod Stewart’s best-selling Christmas album. Rod recorded a whole Christmas special in Scotland’s epic Stirling Castle. The normal rules for taste usually go out the window during the holiday season. This is one time of year that Rod “The Mod” Stewart’s red-and-green tartan suits are distinctly appropriate.

Grade: B+

Best YouTube Comment: “I’ll bet this is an original song, I doubt anyone else sang this! Refreshing love the remakes, just nice when there is a song I don’t know about the holiday, Rod you are smooth as always!” — MusikLover8


2. Michael Bublé ft. Shania Twain, “White Christmas”

Once I went to a restaurant and they just played the Michael Bublé Christmas album on repeat the entire time. It was August.

Grade: D

Best YouTube Comment: “What a perfect duet for two Canadians … a song about not getting any snow” — psychicbyinternet


3. Blake Shelton ft. Reba McEntire, “Oklahoma Christmas”

Honestly though, imagine spending Christmas with Reba McEntire. Folksy wisdom and sweet potato casserole FOR DAYS.

Grade: A

Best YouTube Comment: “they sound great together!” — kaityd


4. Lady Antebellum, “Blue Christmas”

Do you think Lady Antebellum will see Django Unchained? They seem like more of a Les Miz crowd, I guess.

Grade: C+

Best YouTube Comment: “Lady A sang ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ when we were together…and now they sing ‘Blue Christmas’ since you’ve been gone…” — Cyberob13


5. Scotty McCreery, “Christmas in Heaven”

This brings up a lot of questions. There are mansions in heaven? What’s the class system like in heaven? If you were poor in life, are you still poor in heaven or is everyone rich? I thought it was a harder for a rich man to get into heaven than for a camel to get through the eye of a needle or something. Does Scotty McCreery know how hilarious his name is?

Grade: C+

Best YouTube Comment: “If this is what an angel sounds like, I know my momma is having a wonderful time in Heaven. Thank you Scotty. Such an amazing voice.” — CindyCasey


6. CeeLo Green ft. The Muppets, “All I Need Is Love”

As someone who watched that John Denver and The Muppets Christmas special a billion times, it’s impossible for me to dislike this. MUPPETS? A Mahna Mahna reference? Kermit the Frog saying “Hotlanta”? I’m done for.

Grade: B+

Best YouTube Comment: “So Cute!!!” — YulisManzanarezSoleto


7. Trans-Siberian Orchestra, “Dreams of Fireflies (On a Christmas Night)”

Egg Nog Prog Rock.

Grade: B

Best YouTube Comment: “They recycle sometimes but it’s fine because they’re SO AMAZING!” — artk1ng


8. Josh Groban, “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”

Wow, Josh Groban from The Office!

Grade: B-

Best YouTube Comment: “God gave us an angel of vocal perfection…and his name is JOSH!!” — jggal66


9. Andrea Bocelli, “O Tannenbaum”

The king of pop-opera takes on “O Tannenbaum” in a few languages, to create a soundtrack perfect for a holiday feast at The Olive Garden.

Grade: C+

Best YouTube Comment: “Can you imagine having a voice like Mr. Bocelli’s? Wow; just wow.” — Acouplevideosisall


10. Justin Bieber ft. Busta Rhymes, “Drummer Boy”

The best part of featured cameos on Justin Bieber songs is rappers struggling to keep it clean and ending up talking about total nonsense, like Busta Rhymes double-time spitting about cozy fireplace time, Twitter, and Hanukkah.

Grade: B

Best YouTube Comment: “Christmas is ruined.” — idontseemtohavealife

Filed Under: Blake Shelton, Cee Lo Green, Grading the Charts, Justin Bieber, The Muppets

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ mollylambert