Look — if you work on a hit TV show like Breaking Bad, you’re going to get some letters. Some will be from prisoners admiring the efficient way you handled your business with those simultaneous hits. Some from older people disappointed in your life choices — you seemed like such a nice man in the beginning — who don’t trust the e-mail to get to you. And some, as you are about to find out, from people who would like to sex your pal while you watch, or mix vats of chemicals, or scream the soul-chilling banshee-howl of existential anguish as you think about the terrible things you’ve done, you can work out the details later. But when you get one of these letters, it’s your duty to read it on a talk show. In front of the pal she (or he) wants to do. That’s just the way you play it.

(Conan did an entire show of this stuff last night, btw. Come for the erotic correspondence, stay for the tortoise with a head on it.)