Today was a big day for the young-adult genre. CBS Films bought the rights to Children of Paranoia, the first part of a trilogy about “a secret war that’s been waged for centuries via assassins,” and nabbed Battlestar Galactica‘s Mark Verheiden for the screenplay; meanwhile, Columbia Pictures has Erin Brokovich‘s Susannah Grant working on the adaptation of The 5th Wave, which swaps out assassins for aliens. How are our real, live young adults doing? Oh, they’re OK! Taylor Swift told Rolling Stone that “the only love worth being in is the love worth singing about”; amphibious, pee-drinking goddess Ke$ha was born with a tail; and then there’s this photo of Miley Cyrus making out with a man dressed as a giant baby.

• But you know that my heart wanted to lead with TLC’s The Man With the 132 lb. Scrotum: “In the show and in public, Warren wears a hoodie to keep it his [sic] scrotum covered up.”
• Glee‘s Cory Monteith tribute episode “will deal directly with drug addiction and with the circumstances surrounding Cory’s death.”
• Keith Urban will return to American Idol, giving you a chance to “see [that] Keith’s a really funny guy.” ORLY?
• Helvetica, hel-VEE-tee-kah, let’s call the whole thing off.
• To each his own queue.
• Diablo Cody’s directorial debut hits DirecTV on August 8.
• “And someday, in 80 years, when you’re 100, and I’m 134, and we’re both so kind and loving we’re nearly unbearable, drop me a line, let me know how your life has been.  I hope you will say: It has been so wonderful.” —George Saunders’s Syracuse University commencement address
• Daft Punk are rumored to be appearing on The Colbert Report.
• Never for money, always for love.
• Fifty of the best live bands.
• America’s mental-illness epidemic.
• Alas, poor old Boggle! A game of infinite jest.
• Nose to tail to bottle to BBQ pit.
• Blanche Devereaux’s dream house. Tiny plastic cheesecakes for everyone.
• Sean Parker’s wedding: feathers, bunnies, shawls, and LOLs.
• Babies in Jeopardy!
• All you need is $100k and the desire to own this used Johnny Lawrence Cobra Kai Gi.
• Examining space thriller realism with an astrobiologist.
• A turtle dressed up as a burger to try to get through airport security.
• Faye or GTFO.