Obviously, you should not hitchhike unless you really have no other choice. It’s also wise, in general, to avoid killing someone with a hatchet. But if you HAVE to hitchhike, and you HAVE to kill someone with a hatchet, you really should do it just like this. Homeless hitchhiker Kai Has-No-Last-Name (“No, bro, I don’t have anything”), of indeterminate age (“I can’t call it”), is maybe the only person who has ever been a hero in a story involving thumbing a ride and blunt force trauma.

• Kristen Wiig joins the cast of Anchorman 2 as Brick Tamland’s wife. They slapped a JUST MARRIED sticker on the back of a furry tractor and rode off into the sunset.
• High school football coaches have always been the authority on women’s body shapes, right?
• Scott Hicks (Shine, Hearts in Atlantis) is in talks to direct the adaptation of YA novel Fallen, “a Southern gothic supernatural romance.” BRB, gotta get all Jerry Saltz on this fan art.
• Can beer-powered beer power a more powerful beer?
• Britney goes Vegas. Why should I be sad?
• Judy Greer is working on an essay collection.
• The racial bias of Google ads.
• A sad visit to the somewhat janky Playboy mansion, featuring a cardboard Hefner, copious tampons in a basket, and a grotto that “looks like something somebody would overdose on in Russia … :(.”
• Barnes & Noble is either in “transition” or has just been placed on deathwatch. Assorted depressing sentences: “Just stop closing the bookstores, she appealed”; “Is it what it used to be when you were opening 80 stores a year and dropping stores everywhere? Probably not”; “There was an initial belief that Borders’ bankruptcy would bring a substantial portion of its in-store business to Barnes & Noble, but that has not turned out to be the case.”
• Paging Dr. Facebook: We’ve got a bleeder in FarmVille.
• Bad heroin versus worst heroin.
• “We Are the World” + Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 + a grudge = this North Korean propaganda video.
• Last but not least, if you have a spare moment, please make your voice heard on Grantland’s Facebook page right now in a debate that threatens to tear apart at least two families.