In all these months of link dumping, it looks like we’ve never directed any traffic to the new Myspace. What a tragic error! Today, that changes: Myspace has a long history of friendship (it’s the place for it, after all) with The O.C., and today the site featured a discussion of “every song that soundtracked the show,” volume one of seven. You better do your horizontal scrolling warm-up before you even think about tackling it; if you’ve ever spilled a beverage on your touch pad, however (not that anyone would ever be so stupid, so horribly stupid), you’re out of luck. Damn it, new Myspace! Here’s a summary: Rooney, Joseph Arthur, Doves, Rufus Wainwright and every song that ever mentioned California appear.

• No f-words: these kids (one seven years old, one ten) were forbidden from talking about fracking for the rest of their lives.
• Juan Pablo will be your new Bachelor. Now let’s see if he can gas up a room like Desiree.
• Here is TMZ pissing themselves with anticipation over the upcoming “Trapped in the Closet” chapter: “it’s SOOOOOO good — with guns, secret clubs, and R. Kelly in an crazy goatee.”
• Chris Brown, freshly released from his hour in jail, Tweet-threatens to go away for good. Okay, bye! Don’t let the door hit you on the way — ah, screw it.
• Donald Glover is having another go at developing a show for himself with a music-themed comedy for FX.
• Meryl Streep and Robert De Niro will be starring in Michael Cunningham’s adaptation of The Good House.
• Looking back at bath salts’ fifteen minutes of fame. Speaking of which: Warhol’s ghost must be quite pleased.
• E! is developing a super gross-sounding show about rich kids in Beverly Hills.
• Oh yes it’s ladies’ night…ly news.
• The CBGB soundtrack begins with “Life During Wartime,” obviously.
• A corrupt ice cream truck was shilling coke and Oxycodone on the side. It was a-neat, a-neat, a-neat.
• The great Issa Rae is coming to HBO.
• Still obsessed with the fatberg. Probably always will be.
• The Muppets sequel sure knows how to pack in the celebrity cameos.
• Sadly, “My brain is all glitter sparkles and cat litter” was rejected.
• You know how Buzzfeed publishes a list of things intended to make you feel old every year? Well this makes me fucking ecstatic to be old: an Ohio high school has its own anonymous gossip Twitter. Those modem dial-up noises never sounded so sweet.
• Funny or Die’s Hollywood Agent Voicemails #5: Andrew McCarthy and Ladyhawke.
• I have been shipping Diddy and Ma$e since eighth grade.
• What killed the dinosaurs? Caterpillars, eggs, cataracts and aliens, of course.
• I guess “tibia” doesn’t immediately jump to mind.