Introducing How I Met Your Mother‘s mother, Cristin Milioti. The Tony-nominated (Once) actress’s musician skills helped her land the role (“her ukulele skills are no joke“), a big credit in her relatively thin résumé (though you may remember her as Johnny Sack’s thin daughter, Catherine, or a sexy baby on 30 Rock), which will be further bolstered by a role in November’s The Wolf of Wall Street. The creators “kind of felt bad for Cristin because it was really like Jesus has risen when she showed up on the set — the whole crew was like ‘Here she is, the women we’ve been waiting for for 10 years!’ And she’s like, ‘I’m just an actor.’”

• ABC dances around the unhappy ending to Happy Endings. Phrases like “on brand” really make me excited for all of these new network shows! Oh boy! But seriously, way to pass on Big Thunder Mountain, geniuses. That said, I will watch this LARPing reality program.
• So here’s a stark guitar tutorial from David Brent.
• “Androgynous” and topless Zoe Saldana told Us that she doesn’t plan to date any more actors (“been there, done that, got the T-shirt”) and would consider raising her children with a woman (better T-shirts).
• This Kitchen Nightmares meltdown is historic, mostly because it didn’t involve fake planted rodents or f-bombs for f-bombs’ sake. Yes, shit got real at Amy’s Baking Company, and now the drama continues on the restaurant’s Yelp (“I see the wild crazy in your eyes”) and Facebook pages (“TO REDDIT. I FORBID YOU FROM SPREADING YOUR HATE ON THAT SITE”). YouTube’s got you covered if you want to see it from soup to nuts.
• South Korea made a Blingee out of a Hannibal promo.
• Mad Men‘s callbacks and Easter eggs, including references to Cheever and Secretary, foreshadowing Lane’s suicide and a moving painting.
• The Great Bieber Heist.
• Prostitutes can no longer use LinkedIn, forcing them to hand out their résumés on the street corner like in the olden days.
• Sean Parker’s wedding will probably have a Game of Thrones theme, even if he’s too embarrassed to admit it.
• Sandwiches, vomit, and tears in space.