Lizzy Caplan’s spoofy commercial “Fashion Film” is like ASMR meets an Anthropologie catalogue. “Sometimes I think to myself in French, and listen to old records from the ’60s. They’re way better than stuff today.”

• Pride and Prejudice gets Downtonized: “Longbourne will reveal what Jane Austen did not: the constant chaos swirling downstairs, the preparation for lavish balls and the housekeeper’s real thoughts about the family patriarch.” I’ll bet Elizabeth Bennet never had a backstreet guy; I bet the footman wants to tell her why.
• By the way, use caution when you go Downton.
• An urn full of Ted Demme’s ashes stars in a documentary with Natalie Portman (she takes it ice-skating) and Balthazar Getty (he brings it into the boxing ring). His ghost is represented by ICM. Just kidding. Ghosts only have managers.
• Yasiin Bey, formerly Mos Def, really hates the Barclays Center: “What did Brutus tell Caesar as he aired him out?/“Lord it’s Hell in that crowd”/Stadium.” Ohhhh, pardon me, thou bleeding piece of expensive baby fantasy playland.
• Rex Reed wrote a charming review of Identity Thief in which he refers to Melissa McCarthy as an “obese,” “obnoxious” “gimmick comedian.” His faithful fans reciprocate by lauding it as “a horrible, misogynist crapfest of a review.” Then everyone laughs and clinks their glasses, because the world is a friendly place.
• Speaking of which, this former LAPD officer who has been accused of murdering a Los Angeles couple last weekend wrote one of the weirdest nut-job Facebook posts ever, directed at celebrities like Larry David (“I agree. 72-82 degrees is way to hot in a residence. 68 degrees is perfect”) and Anthony Bourdain (“you’re a modern renaissance man who epitomizes the saying ‘too cool for school'”). He also professes himself to be “a walking exigent circumstance with no OFF or reset button.” Cool Oscar speech, though!
• How to make your own beige food from The Silver Linings Playbook.
• The Berlin Film Festival kicked off today.
• Elizabeth Olsen and Bryan Cranston are in talks to star in Godzilla.
• “FarmVille is one of the most exciting brands out there today,” said Brett Ratner. : (