This Justin: Jay-Z and Timberlake are planning to tour together this summer. JT called his new tracks “the best stuff I’ve ever done,” and MTV says, “like one of his idols, Bob Dylan, Timberlake said he’s striving to create another world to live in with his music, almost an alternate persona.” Like maybe a fancy man from the olden days before pictures had colors, and Instagram was powered by dinosaurs on treadmills.

• Shatner would like to lecture J.J. Abrams about industry greed over sushi, the most greed-fueling food of all.
• Christina Ricci and Parker Posey have been cast in two new NBC pilots. Wash that Pan Am right out of your coif, Christina. It’s your birthday!
• Magnolia Pictures scores the U.S. rights to Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac. “Conceived as two full-length features, Nymphomaniac follows the erotic adventures of Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg), self-diagnosed nymphomaniac, as she recounts them to the older bachelor Seligman (Stellan Skarsgard). Nymphomaniac features an all-star ensemble cast with such names as Shia LaBeouf, Jamie Bell, Christian Slater, Uma Thurman, Willem Dafoe and Connie Nielsen also featured.” No word yet on whose genitals get mutilated.
• NEEDS MORE FRACTALS.
• FX hands a series order to The Bridge, which sounds like it’s gonna ruuuule.
• The world continues to conspire to make you care about Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton’s romance, this time with Helena Bonham Carter.
• Mutant toads here, get your mutant toads.
• This is the worst Photoshopping job I’ve ever seen, from the Greek police.
• Score your ’50s housewife skills. Pray you fail.
• This is why hacking was invented.
• Things to do after you die: lobby-haunt for an “In Memoriam” spot.
• We need more Between Two Ferns, and we need it right now.
• I love when people write about things they hate. See: HateSong’s “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” edition. “I’m kind of glad Jet was around, because they are kind of fun to hate. Like, if I was hired to hate them, I would totally take that job, whereas like, if I was hired to hate war atrocities, it’d get pretty numbing after a while.”