Posts by Chris Ryan
-
DeAndre Jordan Won the Super Bowl of Staring Down JaVale McGee’s Mother
Apparently. We’re going to go a little The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance here and print the legend, because the legend is so good you should make it the new bedtime story that you tell your kids. In fact, I don’t even want to know if this is true or not; that’s how bad I […]
-
Can Kenyon Martin Hang With Lob City?
According to reports, Kenyon Martin will be joining the Los Angeles Clippers, accepting a “mini-midlevel deal” with the team. Martin will reportedly join L.A. once the Xinjiang Tigers complete their season. The question then, is this: What does this mean for the Clippers?
-
How to Cheer for the Patriots (Even If You Have No Business Doing So)
Everybody has their faults. Some people are kleptomaniacs. Some people walk onto uncrowded subways and stop directly in front of the doors. There are even some who use nail-polish remover during cross-country flights. And some people (hi there) cheer for the Patriots despite having no good reason to do so. My name is Chris Ryan. […]
-
![Paul Pogba]()
Four Lessons From This Week’s Premier League Action
Manchester City Is Throwing It All Away That might sound a bit hysterical, but listen, all y’all, it’s a (self) sabotage. What are these guys doing? Coming out of Christmas, the title was City’s to lose. But if Sir Alex Ferguson has taught us anything (aside from how to creatively use a hairdryer) it’s that […]
-
Two Sixers Fans React to Beating the Bulls
Chris Ryan: Andy! Last time I saw you it was early October, and you were in the back of a Chevy, lying in the fetal position, bleeding from your stomach (emotionally), and I was driving, trying to save you, screaming, “YOU’RE GONNA BE OK! YOU’RE GONNA BE OOKKKK!” The Phillies had just lost to the […]
-
Hey, Blake Griffin, Meet Savalace Townsend
Rod Stewart once sang that every picture tells a story. Here’s a (moving) picture of Arkansas Pine-Bluff’s Savalace Townsend dunking on a guy from Grambling State on January 28. The story it tells goes like this: Once upon a time, Savalace Townsend threw down on a Grambling State player and now he has to go […]
-
Trend Watch: Dunking on Dudes
On Monday night, Blake Griffin dunked so hard on Kendrick Perkins that the Mayan apocalypse was called off. So emboldened were some NBA players with this new lease on life that they too decided to start dunking on the skulls of their peers, so as to bring about more Armageddon-halting joy. I know that people […]
-
Scott Skiles and Stephen Jackson Are Getting Along GREAT
Hey everyone, I am retiring from writing about sports and Justified to become a couples counselor for Scott Skiles and Stephen Jackson. I seriously cannot imagine a more entertaining job. Jackson got a DNP — Coach’s Decision on Monday night when the Bucks beat the Pistons. It might as well have been a DNP-GTFO seeing […]
-
![Chris Paul]()
Rankonia: The Triangle Power Rankings
1. Chris Paul, Guillotine Operator Yes, Blake got the hosannas, headlines, hallelujahs, and holy shits. Yes, Blake the Destroyer killed everything with The Dunk on Monday night. But if the ringing in your ears subsided in time, you might have noticed Chris Paul playing a solo version of the executioner’s song against Oklahoma City in […]
-
![Justified]()
Oxy Music: Justified Season 3, Episode 3
Among other things, Justified is about how one man, a lawman, comes to love and cherish the place he protects and serves. In Season 1, Raylan Givens was a reluctantly returning prodigal son, romancing women he should stay away from, gunning down anyone who gave him the least bit of lip, and taking out his alienation on those […]
