Here’s your Wednesday whip-around on the stories dominating the headlines and lingering in the margins of the NFL. No pads needed.

• OMG, did you know, that, like, last season, right, Kyle Orton totally didn’t talk to Tim Tebow because Tim Tebow was like always talking to reporters! WTF? And Kyle Orton was like, I’m starting! They should want to talk to me! And Tim was like but … they want to talk to me … so … am I supposed to ignore them!? And Kyle was like, Whatever! It was drama, guys.
• New Chicago Bear Roy Williams shouldn’t be shocked if he doesn’t get invited along on a wide receivers corps trip to Outback. In what sounds like a pretty vivid statement to the media, Williams praised himself for his own size (“I’m not a Brandon Marshall, who is 9 feet tall. But I’m a big guy who can go across the middle, make the catch and try to keep the chains moving.”), called his fellow wideouts “smurfs” and then said he understood why wide receiver Johnny Knox was mad: “I would be upset if a guy just came in and got in front of me.”
• Maurice Jones-Drew wants everyone to know he’s not sorry for clowning Jay Cutler. The Jacksonville running back kind of pulled a Nelson from The Simpsons last season, mocking Cutler’s playoff game injury against the Packers on Twitter. Here’s MJD on the topics of regret and forgiveness, “I haven’t gotten a chance to, but I wouldn’t apologize because I didn’t do anything wrong, I don’t think. I didn’t commit a crime. I didn’t kill anyone or rape anyone or anything like that.”
• Peyton Manning is still recovering from offseason neck surgery. And though the Colts surely miss their QB, Reggie Wayne isn’t exactly tearing up like he’s watching Marley & Me: “I feel like we’ve grown already. … We have a game coming up. We’ve got some guys who are excited about that, and even though 18 is not in there, we still have a job to do.” He’s probably just savoring the days before he’s stuck in one of those awesome conversations in which Manning is explaining to him how he was 4.6 milliseconds late on his break in a post route.
• The Oakland Raiders might have lost a big name from their cornerback depth chart in Nnamdi Asomugha, but they added a pretty big name to their cornerback coaching staff: NFL Hall of Famer Rod Woodson.
• New 49ers boss Jim Harbaugh is attempting to do something that no previous Niners coach has been able to pull off. He’s trying to make Alex Smith a viable starting quarterback.

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