In case you were out living a life of leisure, here’s what you missed in sports on Wednesday.

• With a home run, a double, and 4 RBIs, David Freese emerged from his series-long slump to lead the Cardinals over the Phillies 5-3 and force a Game 5 in the NLDS. At this point, both the Yankees and Phillies will be fighting for their lives in a win-or-go-home elimination game. Hopefully the fear of losing either of these beloved clubs will finally give America something to rally behind.

• Chris Young hit two home runs and Ryan Roberts smashed a grand slam as the Diamondbacks pulled even in their NLDS with a 10-6 win over the Brewers. This is easily the lowest-profile of any of the division series, but with all the twists and turns, these teams are really making us take— hey, I think I just saw a squirrel outside! Oh, no. Just a pine cone. Wait a second, maybe that is a squirrel … hold on.

• While Yankee manager Joe Girardi confirmed that CC Sabathia will be available out of the bullpen in tonight’s Game 5, Tigers manager Jim Leyland said the same will not be true for Justin Verlander. Here’s a joke: Why won’t Justin Verlander ever play “Crazy On You” at parties? Answer: He’s got no Heart.

• Missouri is hoping to join the SEC, according to a school official. They would have preferred the Big Ten, but the conference chose Nebraska instead and has shown no recent interest in Missouri. In response, the SEC encouraged Missouri to buy a dictionary and educate themselves on the meaning of the verb “settle.”

• In his first public comments since leaving the Boston Red Sox, manager Terry Francona told WEEI that he wasn’t the right man for the Red Sox as they moved forward. “Maybe it was just time,” Francona said, which segued perfectly into his incredibly sad acoustic performance of Josh Ritter’s “Change of Time.”

• Packers QB Aaron Rodgers deflected Brett Favre’s undermining comments yesterday after Favre said he was surprised Rodgers didn’t win a Super Bowl earlier, and that “he just kind of fell into a good situation.” Rodgers’ reaction showed admirable restraint, especially considering that Favre made the comments from outside his home at 4 a.m. while he tore up Rodgers’ flower beds with a pickup truck.

• Texas junior quarterback Garrett Gilbert has decided to transfer after losing his starting job and undergoing season-ending shoulder surgery. In an emotionally challenging performance that took everything he had, Texas head coach Mack Brown briefly pretended to care.

• The seven NBA agents who sent a letter with perceived anti-labor overtones have backed off their push for decertification of the players union. They’ve also refused to comment on suspicions that they look exactly like NBA owners wearing fake mustaches.

• Michael Vick and the 1-3 Eagles are finished with the “dream team” label. “I think the dream team … that word is dead now,” Vick said, which segued perfectly into his incredibly unsettling acoustic performance of Dave Matthews’ “The Dreaming Tree.”

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