‘Will Gwyneth Paltrow Finally Get Her Own Iron Man Suit?’

Please no.

Bonus Gratuitous Attack on the Gwyneth Paltrow Lifestyle Brand!

Necessary Features for a Gwyneth Paltrow Iron Man Suit:

  • Onboard 18,000-RPM Breville juicer
  • In-flight Jarvis™ cyber-concierge personalized with Chris Martin’s voice
  • Integrated Pinterest account
  • Gesture-activated red-pepper enema cleanse
  • Dual-chambered torso wine decanter
  • Racial insensitivity early-warning system in helmet heads-up display
  • Decapitation-resistant neck-joint reinforcements
  • Totally out of Gwyneth Paltrow jokes, something in the area of a weird baby-name generator?
  • OK, we’re done now.

Filed Under: Answering the Headline Question

Mark Lisanti is an editor at Grantland.

Archive @ marklisanti