‘Will Gwyneth Paltrow Finally Get Her Own Iron Man Suit?’
Please no.
Bonus Gratuitous Attack on the Gwyneth Paltrow Lifestyle Brand!
Necessary Features for a Gwyneth Paltrow Iron Man Suit:
- Onboard 18,000-RPM Breville juicer
- In-flight Jarvis™ cyber-concierge personalized with Chris Martin’s voice
- Integrated Pinterest account
- Gesture-activated red-pepper enema cleanse
- Dual-chambered torso wine decanter
- Racial insensitivity early-warning system in helmet heads-up display
- Decapitation-resistant neck-joint reinforcements
- Totally out of Gwyneth Paltrow jokes, something in the area of a weird baby-name generator?
- OK, we’re done now.
Filed Under: Answering the Headline Question
Mark Lisanti is an editor at Grantland.
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