The Headliner

Lockout

This is a movie about a prison break. No big deal, right? They made a whole TV show about one that lasted for an improbably long time! Except … WAIT. This prison is in space (so why it is not called Space Jail, I am sure I don’t know), PLUS the break occurs when the prison is hosting a visit from the president’s daughter, and the only way to get her out is to send in a disgraced former government agent who’s a total loose cannon. Now are you interested?! Well, don’t be: I saw it opening day and it’s pretty boring.

New And Notable

Friends With Kids

Jennifer Westfeldt wrote and directed this unofficial Bridesmaids reunion (Kristen Wiig, Jon Hamm, Chris O’Dowd, and Maya Rudolph are all involved), which fairly portrays all positions on child-having: those who want kids, those who don’t, and those who didn’t but have them anyway.

Casa De Mi Padre

Will Ferrell made a movie in Spanish, because why wouldn’t he?

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

The premise of this one seems to be that if you have lots of oil money, you can spend it on violating the natural function of an ecosystem. I don’t think it’s a great idea, but I’m not a biologist. Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt are probably very charming together, regardless.

Mansome

If you saw Morgan Spurlock’s documentary Pom Wonderful Presents: The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (his multi-brand-sponsored investigation of product integration in film), you might recall a segment in which Ben Silverman approaches Spurlock about directing a film about male grooming for a relevant sponsor. Apparently, Spurlock did it, because here is that movie.

The Three Stooges

People talked a lot about how unnecessary the current Spider-Man reboot is, but if we as a society let the Three Stooges movie happen, clearly anything goes.

Bel Ami

Twilight star Robert Pattinson plays some kind of olden-days man-whore, which goes OK for a while and then becomes a bummer.

She Monkeys

All girls love horses! Too bad this Swedish film makes that affinity seem like the most sinister thing in the world.

The Runway

Oscar nominee Demián Bichir stars in this frothy-looking nonsense that will remind you, in case you forgot, that people who live in small Irish towns are quirky as hell.

Intruders

Everyone’s entitled to make a junky horror movie — even Clive Owen.

“In Theaters” VOD Pick

4:44 Last Day on Earth

If you were intrigued by Seeking a Friend for the End of the World but wish it were way more disturbing, good news! Abel Ferrara made this.

Weird Indie of the Week

Drunkboat

John Malkovich plays a dissolute, unkempt drunk as opposed to an urbane sophisticate. Sure! (Confidential to whomever produced the trailer: It’s spelled “Dana Delany.”)

Early VOD Premiere of the Week

Assassin’s Bullet

Christian Slater makes his second VOD OCD appearance in as many weeks! In another movie you’ve never heard of and won’t see.

Masochist’s Choice

Get the Gringo

It seems as though there are still people who will work with Mel Gibson, but that doesn’t mean you have to pay to see what they did.