Silver: Rem … It was a veritable Memorial Day barbecue buffet of trailers this week. So if we’re going to make that double feature of Fast & Furious 6 and The Hangover Part III, I think we should make this an (As Close To) One-Sentence Trailer review week. I can’t be late — you know how I need those left aisle seats three-quarters of the way back from the screen. I gots to have them.

Browne: There are 352 trailers. This is insane.

Don Jon (October 18)

Silver: So what is it about this film that I don’t want to see? Oh right, NOTHING!

Browne: Example no. 12,423 of a fake couple (ScarJo and JGL) who I wish were a real couple.

 

We’re the Millers — Red Band Trailer (August 9)

Silver: I’m struggling to properly word how Sudeikis and Aniston’s characters in We’re the Millers are ironically perfect career metaphors for these two. I’ll find it, though. I’ll find it.

Browne: I genuinely think I’ll enjoy Jennifer in this, which is weird, because it’s Jennifer Aniston in a movie.

 

Rush (September 20)

Silver: I’m going to give the return to the younger and hipper world of Arrested Development credit for Ron Howard’s now suddenly virile and sophisticated visuals.

Browne: No.

 

Grown Ups 2 — International Trailer (July 12)

Silver: The only potential positive to come out of this completely unnecessary sequel is the completely necessary spin-off film focused on Shaq as a giant police officer.

Browne: This was the worst part of my week.

 

Maniac (June 21)

Silver: (My inner mantra as I type this review: Don’t make a psycho-killer Hobbit reference, don’t make psycho-killer Hobbit reference, don’t make psycho-killer Hobbit reference, don’t make psycho-killer Hobbit reference … )

So a first-person P.O.V. psycho-killer Hobbit movie, huh? This should have been titled Big Trouble in Little Hobbiton.

(Ugh! Fail.)

Browne: A horror film that I actually want to see (this is a high compliment).

 

The Wolverine (July 26)

Silver: Given my disdain for not only X-Men Origins: Wolverine but also James Mangold, I can’t help but hate myself a little bit every time I think this film’s going to be good.

Browne: I hope they take a page out of the Fast & Furious playbook and name the next installment Wolverine: The Wolverine Movie.

 

Man of Steel (June 14)

Silver: Michael Shannon is going to make Terrance Stamp’s Zod looks like a Kryptonian Care Bear (or, more accurately, like Jay from Mallrats).

Browne: The movie of the summer, a.k.a. the opposite of The Lone Ranger.

 

The Lone Ranger (July 3)

Browne: Nooooooooo.

Silver: This film might be worth seeing simply to see how far the audience’s willful suspension of disbelief will stretch as pertains to the actions of a horse named Silver (no relation, by the way).

 

The World’s End (August 23)

Silver: I believe my opinions on this film have been pretty well documented, so do I really need to say anything else on the subject? (Click on the following to be led down a hyperlink rabbit hole of “Silver Love” for all things Wright/Pegg/Frost.

Browne: I think this will be good?

 

Metallica: Through the Never (September 27)

Silver: What is this? No, really, what is this? A concert? A scripted movie? A scripted concert-movie hybrid?

Browne: A friend called this the Metallica version of Spice World, and I think she’s exactly right.

 

Anchorman: The Legend Continues — Teaser No. 2 (December 20)

Silver: Jesus, MacArthur, Jay-Z, and Burgundy. Yep, that seems about right.

Browne: It can’t be bad.

 

Blood Ties (TBD)

Silver: Considering I was one of maybe 10 people to have actually bought a ticket to see Shoot ‘Em Up in the theater, it’s safe to assume that my ceaseless man crush on Clive Owen will always outweigh my seemingly nonexistent sense of pragmatism.

Browne: Everyone in this film is beautiful.

 

The Young and Prodigious Spivet (October 16)

Browne: THROW SOME LINKS AT ‘EM, DAN.

Silver: This is the new film from the director of Delicatessen, City of Lost Children, Amelie, A Very Long Engagement, Micmacs, and, of course, Alien: Resurrection (huh? What?), so what the frak do you think I’m going to say?

 

Europa Report (June 27 — VOD / August 2 — Theatrical)

Silver: Could this be the under-the-radar summer sleeper we’ve been looking/waiting for?

Browne: I hope so, because even at its corniest, space is the best.

 

Delivery Man (October 4)

Silver: I wanted to lambaste this trailer so badly, but then Chris Pratt thwarted all my plans by showing up. Damn you, Pratt!

Browne: It will be better than The Internship.

 

As Cool As I Am (June 21)

Silver: Dear IFC: Thanks for helping me avoid the internal debate of “Should I see it or should I not see it?” by simply showing me the whole film in this trailer. Good on ya.

Browne: Danes, Danes, Danes, Danes, Danes, Danes, Danes, Danes, Danes, Danes.

 

Monsters University (June 21)

Silver: This looks great. Simple. Can’t wait.

Browne: I just watched The Lion King, so in comparison this looks like a waste of time.

 

A Field in England (TBD)

Silver: I was sold on “From the director of Kill List and Sightseers.”

Browne: This looks like a future Kanye West video.

 

Byzantium (June 28)

Silver: When are mummies going to come into fashion? I’m so over vampires. I want to see some brooding teen angst wrapped in dusty fabric.

Browne: Dan Silver, always trying to make mummies happen.

 

The Kings of Summer — Red Band (May 31)

Silver: I was always curious when the update/reboot/reimagining/remake of Stand by Me was going to arrive. So glad to finally have my answer.

Browne: Between this and Moonrise Kingdom, I’m all about films about kids running away.