Michael Fassbender’s Penis Still the Talk of the Town
Hollywood just can’t stop talking about Michael Fassbender’s enormous penis! One might have imagined that the dong-sizzle might have cooled on the industry’s most raved-about trouser-steak once Li’l Mike (you know, it’s one of those ironic nicknames, like when your new, 300-pound cellmate tells you everyone calls him “Tiny,” haha) was memorably snubbed for an Oscar nomination, even after George Clooney went out of his way to praise the short game of Fassbender’s Titleist-quality manhood at the Golden Globes. But this weekend Prometheus costar Charlize Theron jump-started the junk-buzz at a Human Rights Campaign gala by praising the actor’s artfully restrained work in Shame, according to E!’s Marc Malkin:
“I have to say that I was truly impressed that you chose to play it big. Most other actors would have gone small, trust me. No, I know because I’ve worked with them … Your penis was a revelation. I’m available to work with it any time.”
Theron knows from subtle peniscraft: In the similarly praised but Oscar-snubbed Young Adult, she had to play against Patton Oswalt’s mangled (but unseen) member, a formidable scene partner in its own right. (It’s unclear what kind of stand-in they used to evoke the proper mood in their close-ups; perhaps there was some kind of modified green screen technique, with Theron emoting to a broken tennis ball stuck to the end of a crooked boom pole, but that’s beside the point.) But with the actress apparently so comfortable discussing her castmate’s gift, one imagines that the set of Prometheus was positively crackling with dick jokes, with innumerable takes brought to a screeching, hilarious halt when Charlize would suddenly pretend a ravenous crotch-alien had just burst forth from the codpiece of Fassbender’s space suit and greedily attached itself to her face. It’s a good thing the presumed Alien prequel was directed by series originator Ridley Scott and not legendarily perfectionist Alien3 helmer David Fincher, who would have demanded upward of 90 takes of the genital tomfoolery before considering the gag acceptable.
Filed Under: Charlize theron, Michael Fassbender, Michael Fassbender's Penis, Prometheus
More from Mark Lisanti
-
‘Fear the Walking Dead’ Recap: Six Telltale Signs That You Can No Longer Ignore the Imminent Zombie Apocalypse
-
‘Fear the Walking Dead’: Which of Our New Friends Are Getting Eaten by the End of This Season?
-
Which Tom Cruise Is the Best Tom Cruise?
-
Bob Benson vs. The Man-Eating Lions: A Running Diary of CBS Animal-Uprising Epic ‘Zoo’
-
An Open Letter From A-Rod, on the Occasion of His 3,000th Hit
More Charlize theron
-
Weekend Box Office Winners & Losers: The Bellas Pitch-Slap Mad Max
-
‘Mad Max’ As Hell: The Masterful, Maniacal, Surprisingly Feminist ‘Fury Road’
-
The Career Arc of Charlize Theron, Action Star
-
Wondering Woman: Why Warner Bros. Axed Michelle MacLaren, and What That Tells Us About the State of Female Directors in Hollywood
-
The Week in Gossip: Sean Penn’s Adoption, Ronaldo Gets Dumped, and Diplo vs. Taylor Swift
More Hollywood Prospectus
-
Brand Echh: Sandra Bullock and Billy Bob Thornton Can’t Save the Lame ‘Our Brand Is Crisis’
-
50 Scenes That Do Not Appear in the Fox ‘X-Files’ Revival
-
In Praise of Beach Slang, 2015’s Best, Most Sincere Rock Band
-
Who Was Missing From Taylor Swift’s Miami Squad?
-
Happy ‘Halloween’: The Best Horror-Movie Monsters