https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MneIx3f0ljs

Jimmy Kimmel welcomed Bill Murray, George Clooney, John Goodman, Cate Blanchett, and Bob Balaban to chat about The Monuments Men on Thursday night. Matt Damon, however — archnemesis and star of Kimmel’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Silverman’s music video “I’m Fucking Matt Damon” — had to sit on the side like a leper while Kimmel ignored and disparaged him. Then Damon and the rest of the guests showed up in a new installment of “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets.” (Bill Murray won, as Bill Murray always does.)

Philip Seymour Hoffman’s funeral was held today.

Jay Leno’s good-bye got the highest Tonight Show ratings in five years.

Werner Herzog is making Vernon God Little with Mike Tyson, Pamela Anderson, and Russell Brand. All together now: Whoa. It’s about “a normal teenager whose world falls apart when his best friend, Jesus Navarro, murders their classmates in the schoolyard, and Vernon is taken in for questioning.”

Oprah might do Broadway, starring in a revival of the Pulitzer-winning ’night, Mother, which follows a mother trying to dissuade her daughter from suicide.

Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy will be in an upcoming episode of Parks and Recreation.

Billboard got a peek at some College Dropout–era Kanye.

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Paul Bettany will join The Avengers: Age of Ultron. He voiced JARVIS in the Iron Man movies and The Avengers; now he’ll play a hero known as the Vision.

Johnny Depp’s Whitey Bulger biopic is now definitely on, and Tom Hardy’s costarring.

Bong Joon-ho’s Snowpiercer, feared by the Weinstein Company to be too long and confusing, will hit theaters in its original, uncut form.

Deep in the financial pages of today’s Guardian, a doge was discovered.

Want a lot more context (i.e., most of the full article) for the Harry/Hermione kerfuffle? Here’s most or all of the Wonderland interview between J.K. Rowling and Emma Watson.

Conan got zombified.

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And so did some beavers, in a movie called Zombeavers. This trailer is violent but important. Happy weekending. [via]