Last week, Fred Willard promised on Twitter that he’d explain his lewd conduct arrest, wherein cops nabbed him pulling a Pee-wee in an L.A. theater: “Wait til u hear my version; much more PG. & my review, lousy film, but theater would make a terrific racquetball court.” And because Fred Willard is nothing if not a man of his words, the gentleman appeared on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon on Thursday to … well, to make a series of awkward movie-title-based penis puns, mostly. Is it me, or was the studio audience somehow not browbeaten into laughing at these? Even The Roots look confused. The silence is eerie. But then Willard wraps up his bit with Fallon (who, it should be said, gets lots of credit for being the go-to guy for explanations of lewd conduct arrests from members of Christopher Guest’s army) by saying this, and your heart goes out to him: “It’s very embarrassing. It’s embarrassing as hell. But let me say this: Nothing happened. I did nothing wrong. Everything is being sorted out as we speak … if you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, everything looks suspicious.” Grantland believes you, sir! Now, how do we go about purchasing “Free Fred Willard” T-shirts?

(Via Celebritology)