Chet Haze: Still Here!
How can Chet Haze prove to a nation of skeptics that he’s more than just Tom Hanks’ rapping son? One option would be to possess such supreme talent, to be so unquestionably valid on his own merits, that the Hanks association eventually drifts away into the land of interesting footnotes. Another option would be to have grown up estranged from his famous father, maybe on some cult-y hippie commune or in a small Central American country. Neither option is actually on the table for young Chet, though, which leaves him, now, attempting a third, more subtle tack: Writing a song called “Hollywood” in which he demonstrates a remarkable ignorance to the terminology of his dad’s profession. Check out this chorus: “I just wanna do it like they do it on the big screen / I’ll be your director / And you can be the main actress / Just me and you, no extras / Lights, camera, action.” Wait, wait, wait. Back up. Main actress? Not lead? Not star? Main? Clearly Chet knows nothing about movies, therefore wasn’t raised as a coddled celebrity kid, therefore should now and forever more be taken seriously as a young rap professional. Now can we just get Colin Hanks to co-sign this?