I’ve been totally slacking on my “Blurred Lines” parody investigative reporting. Besides the intro to The Cosby Show, the Robin Thicke riffs have covered themes ranging from mature women, senior citizens, Super Mario, Snapchat, and whatever this is. Some of them could use help with the syncing, but I guess you’re supposed to dance like nobody’s watching but the webcam, right? Honestly, I could look at these forever, even the Zumba ones.

• Related: Our relationship to “dance-making” is evolving, but the L.A. Times has been on it since 2009: “The primary attraction [to watching people dance online] may be that group dancing functions as a social equalizer of sorts that implicitly defies society’s social and economic hierarchies. We are all equal (or at least become equal temporarily) when we dance together. To watch or engage in communal celebration is to participate in something unpredictable, dangerous and rebellious.” Or maybe it’s just like watching The Biggest Loser and eating cans of fat. Not that there’s anything wrong with the chair-jive.
• Also related: Pug me.
• In an effort to be earth-conscious, let’s recycle an item from another link dump. We owe Sex and the City a big thank-you for putting crabs (that’s pubic lice, so you can go back to enjoying your California roll) on the road to extinction.
• Cross your fingers for an upcoming (i.e., very far away and screenplay-less) adaptation of Slaughterhouse-Five from Guillermo del Toro and Charlie Kaufman. Are they crossed? Firmly? OK. Now you may use the remaining fingers to wish for Steven Spielberg to take on The Grapes of Wrath.
• The director gender gap is always a bummer.
• Here is Josh Brolin emerging from a trunk in the new Oldboy poster.
• What a creepy and romantic nightmare!
• Virgins international.
• The adventures of cardboard Peeta.
• Jay-Z or his hacker spent the morning responding to humble plebeians on Twitter.
• “In Baltimore, Peters’ house became a kind of groovy bohemian salon for an older set of cast and crew members that included [John] Doman, Jim True-Frost (who played Roland Pryzbylewski), and others. Several ended up renting rooms in the house. Peters, a strict vegetarian, would cook elaborate group meals. There was a piano and impromptu jam sessions fueled by red wine and pot smoke.” —Now I am stepping into my time-travel tube to crash The Wire’s backstage parties. BRB.
• I’m back. That was really something. Thank god the DJ showed up.
• Let the fireworks cleanse the Shore of the stiletto footprints of Snooki.
• But thanks, holiday, for distracting me from the most important show of this month, Naked and Afraid: “Approaching the reptile, which could kill right him there on camera, he says, ‘It’s all about speed and how big his balls are,’ a particularly interesting turn of phrase when one considers that we can see exactly how big his balls are.” !!!!!! America! How could you!
• A compilation of many decades of misinformation.
• Yasiin Bey, formerly known as Mos Def, voluntarily underwent force-feeding for human-rights awareness.
• Someone really hates Lady Gaga, apparently.
• The largest building in the world is now open in China. It looks like a mall with a beach inside.