The never-ending airtime, the In Memoriam segments that made us cringe worse than This Week’s Really Terrible Things That Happened On Breaking Bad, the mere fact that BrBa was also on, and airing its penultimate episode — none of it mattered. The Emmys telecast drew its biggest audience in eight years: 17.6 million viewers tuned in to CBS for what Variety deliciously dubs “the kudocast”; that’s 33 percent more than ABC’s broadcast last year. On a fist-pumpier note, Breaking Bad didn’t seem to lose anyone to the #thekudocast. This week’s “Granite State” passed last week’s “Ozymandias” and set a new viewership record. The finale will almost definitely be Breaking Bad‘s most-watched hour ever, unless the NFL makes a last-minute decision to do the Super Bowl next Sunday.

• Lorde’s debut album, Pure Heroine, is streaming and is nice.
• These are a few of R. Kelly’s favorite things (to get at the grocery store): bologna; Gogurt; bananas (three only — don’t screw around); Tyson chicken nuggets modeled after our finest extinct species, the dinosaur. Zero percent of this is made up.
• Mumford & Sons are suspending their dusty worldwide romp “for the foreseeable future.” It all makes sense now: Ed Helms, Jason Bateman & Co. didn’t just play Mumford in that incredibly self-aware new video; they actually became the band and have to duck out of the limelight till they can reverse the spell. Banjo magic is dangerous magic.
• Jeff Daniels says Dumb and Dumber To starts filming Tuesday and is gonna make the first movie seem “lame.” Kick the first one’s ass, Sea Bass.
• WikiLeaks WikiLeaked the WikiLeaks movie script, the one called The Fifth Estate, starring Benedict Cumberbatch. They called the movie “irresponsible, counterproductive and harmful.” Great early buzz! Get that shit on a poster!
• Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. passed 1 million Facebook Likes and it hasn’t even aired yet. Seems like kind of a big deal, but who knows. (Us, after Tuesday’s premiere. That’s who.)
• The Carrie remake is going to be rated R, Chloë Moretz and all. Apparently it’s “quite the surprise considering the nature of the material and the belief that the studio would be aiming for a PG-13 to garner the widest possible audience.”
• Episode VII is putting out an APB on Wookiees, maybe, probably. Chewie himself, if we’re lucky enough.
• Come on, Glee. We’re happy to look the other way while you desecrate the Beatles for two episodes, but this is too gross.
• Drake performed in a shirt covered with a giant black-and-white image of Jaden Smith’s face. Let that sink in for a second. Then place a bet on when he debuts a Willow Smith sweater.
• Vulture’s handy supercut teaches you to lie Walter White–style — terribly, indignantly, shamelessly, way-that-ruins-so-many-people’s-lives-in-the-end-ly.
• TLC has a greatest-hits collection coming out with the new VH1 biopic, and Chilli and T-Boz have a new new album coming in 2014.
• Here’s a screenshot and transcript of the Emmys’ brave attempt to make a pause-worthy, Internet-friendly tiny-text moment. Pat Sajak Sweat Lodge has a funny ring to it.
• “Wear Patrick Stewart’s fleece, c’mon.”