Look, here’s this alternate ending from Silver Linings Playbook. Ideally, this scene would go on for another 15 minutes with De Niro straight-up murdering Ricky for wearing a Vikings shirt, then wiping the blood off his hands and digging into some braciole while Cooper and Lawrence suck on each other’s tongues in the La-Z-Boy.

• See you at the front of the line for tickets to Sean Connery vs. The Cock.
• Kristen Wiig is set to host SNL on May 11 with musical guest Vampire Weekend. And the wind whispers “Dooneese.”
• The cast of Mad Men run over by an unforgiving Photoshop truck and presented to you as they would appear today. Megan’s got that latter-day Sophia Loren thing going on, but Peggy’s got some kind of a growth hanging out around her chin, and someone needs to talk that no. 1 GILF mug away from Roger Sterling. That seat’s taken.
• If you were chewing your fingernails off because you wouldn’t get to find out how Ready to Love ends, you’re in luck. The canceled reality show will continue to speak to you from beyond the grave on VOD and online through its finale on June 4.
• The Jeselnik Offensive and Nathan for You get second-season pickups from Comedy Central. Speaking of pickups, should networks let viewers view pilots and choose which shows get a green light? Don’t e-mail me about that. It’s rhetorical.
• In case you missed it: Omar Borkan Al Gala was deported from Saudi Arabia for being a stone-cold fox. Also: RuPaul and Joan Rivers in bed in a room that I assume is the same one Oscar Wilde died in.
• Baking bad.
• The four Matildas of Broadway were deemed ineligible for a shared Tony Award nomination. Don’t piss off a kid with telekinesis, or they’ll turn your awards ceremony into Carrie’s prom.
• Happy weekend, humans!