“Multiple sources” report that Beyoncé is pregnant with her second child. After canceling a performance in Belgium (and citing those old mythological maladies “dehydration and exhaustion” as the cause), rumors began to swirl, as rumors do. Beyoncé has said that Blue Ivy “needs some company” with whom to watch Nets games at her Barclays crib, so I guess they’ve decided to create their own playmates for her instead of adopting one of us (we offered). Have fun with that diaper pail, Bey. Adults come house-trained and won’t try to put your diamonds in our mouths. I’m just saying.

• “Love isn’t real if it’s not forever, she tweeted. We realized she was talking about herself.” — How Amanda Bynes and the Teens Saved the Human Race
• Yahoo wants Tumblr, may be willing to pay one beeeeeellion dollars.
• Hookers and a bag of smack: Modern Family’s USA promo.
• Randy Travis would prefer not to get Reesed by the footage of him naked in a crashed Pontiac.
• Scissorhands fossil!
• The previous and unaired episodes of Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt 23 are available on Hulu for your viewing pleasure.
• Here’s a little “fuck you” from Amazon Studios’ no-go Zombieland writer-producer Rhett Reese: “You guys successfully hated it out of existence.”
• Guns and jewelry theft at Cannes. That’s why I didn’t attend this year. Way too dangerous.
• Painting Optimus Prime.
• “‘Fitz,’ let’s face it, is already a pretty punchable name, given that combined with his personality, it makes him sound like somebody with a beanie and a lot of polo shirts grew up, got even richer, had a son, and taught him how to give swirlies to the math team.” — Scandal’s Fitz, the “most dumpable man on television”
• Headline of the day: Boa Constrictor and Iguana Locked in Fatal Embrace
• First you get a lake full of drugs, then you dive in it. I think that I’m feelin’ the vibe.