Oh, PAULA. During a taped deposition last month, Paula Deen went on the record to admit that she’d used the n-word (“yes, of course”) and unfortunately, that’s not all. Radar Online reports that Deen wanted to hire black men to play slaves at a wedding, which is even crazier than eating deep-fried balls of butter and cream. Obviously this information immediately spawned a new Deen canon of crowd-sourced racist recipes, like “Separate But Equal Light & Dark Meat” and “Oh Lordy Pick a Bale o’ Cotton Candy.” This may be a good time for some comfort food.

• “(I Wanna) Channing All Over Your Tatum” kinda speaks for itself.
• Just transported you back to your seventh-grade school dance.
• When I yodel, shawty yodel back.
• Headline of the day: Giant Snake Opens Doors, Nightmares.
• Lady Gaga nixed a Cher duet.
• The hundred-dollar sandwich and other GIF-able snippets from “We Can’t Stop.”
• Shailene Woodley’s Mary Jane scenes were cut from The Amazing Spider-Man 2.
• In life, there are no guarantees.
• R.I.P., Michael Hastings.
• “As soon as the first person wrote about me, the articles became just blatant, all-out lies. I consider it slander. If I cared more, I’d kill them.” —Lana Del Rey
• Gopher broke.
• Rick Moranis, bless him, sings the brisket and bris ballads you’ve always craved. Such a mitzvah.
• Looking back at the future.
• Oh, great! All of your problems have been solved by a 26-year-old!