More time yet for a hundred indecisions, and for a hundred visions of screeners, before the taking of toast and tea: The 2014 Oscars are moving to March. “With the shift, the 2014 awards season calendar is shaping up to be an unusual one, with a frenetic January full of guild awards and then a long lull until the Oscar telecast in March.” Blame the Super Bowl and the Winter Olympics, though the Academy doesn’t feel that they need to explain their art to you, Warren. The nominations voting will now take place from December 27 through January 8.

• My favorite headline of the day: “The ShamWow Guy’s Movie Set Inside Lindsay Lohan’s Vagina Earned $625 Per Theater.”
• Come on, Nana Franco, I was going to see Spring Breakers anyway. You just put up your dogs and relax.
• Jared Leto, “who is also an actor,” received a severed ear in the mail from a 30 Seconds to Mars fan (or … ?) with a note that said, “Are you listening?”
• Maybe Will Smith would have been interested if Jaden could have played a Lil’ Djanglette.
• The Weinstein Company MUST BE FED ITS OSCARS: “For this to work, audiences have to buy 45 year old Nicole Kidman playing Grace Kelly at 33. And Nicole’s waxy and mask-like visage has not brought in audiences for a long time. Good luck Harvey.” See also: 45-year-old Paul Giamatti is playing Hamlet (“jauntily tricked out in a dinner jacket and red high-top sneakers”) at the Yale rep.
• Do your Mad Men homework with Season 5 on Netflix.
• Wonderbros: Damon Albarn and Noel Gallagher make up.
• “Congratulations on making thru jr. high. I’m sure u did better than I. I wasn’t much on school. I was 2 busy listening 2 the grass grow.” —Prince
• These accidentally leaked Ford ads, featuring bound and gagged women in the trunk of a car, are clearly marketed to the distinct market overlap between people who played Scarface: The World Is Yours and people who drive Fords. I want the Fusion hybrid, chico, and everything in it.
• Man versus Snake.
• “We will find a way each day to uplift and inspire you. It’s more who we are. We are not dour, depressed people.”
• Commenters be commentin’ angrily about the cast of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
• The IRS laughs alone.
• Time for a game! Find the sex gypsy of AMC.
• Stand on Zanzibar, psychic novel, predicted a “President Obomi,” electric cars, satellite television, DVRs, avatars, and laser printers. “Brunner, older than most of the other New Wave authors and in some ways the least likely to deliver a breakthrough novel — he had been churning out conventional genre books, sometimes a half-dozen or more in a single year, for almost two decades when he published Stand on Zanzibar — raised the ante further in these pages and won on his big bet. And he did so with a risky gambit, in which both form and content were stretched to their limits.”